Just found out that my ex, who had no sex drive with me, has been having crazy sex with her roommate. I've known the guy for years and she told me that I have nothing to worry about as she doesn't even view him as a man. Guess something changed.

I can't really blame her for falling out of love with me. She gave me way too many chances and I pushed them all away. I was never there. She invited me on trips and events and for support but I could never be there for her, with work or family always getting in the way. Now I realize that they were all bullshit excuses, and it hurts thinking to how many fun memories I missed with her. How many experiences I'll now never have. Despite knowing full well that dwelling on the past is pointless my mind just can't help but hyperfixate on the what if. What if I was stronger, what if I could do more. What if our relationship was more than just shooting each other messages while I was living across the country. Meanwhile this dude was there for literally everything, and for years. He got to see all that I missed. And I can't help but feel at least a ting of jealousy for that.

They got together after we broke up so there was no infidelity but it still stings, especially since I only recently realized that I really do love her and was finally in a position to spend more time with her. I know that she definitely wasn't the one for me, I just wish we had more time.