i kind of miss school....it was boring and sometimes rage-inducing, but at least it gave me something to do during the day....the summer between junior and senior year of high school was the lowest point of my life, i did nothing all summer but play video games in my bedroom and avoid showering, i stole some crackers from my mom when she wasn't around and she fucking screamed in my face for a few minutes....i remember when i was a child, she would slap me in the face for not so great reasons, like just doing normal kid shit....i was never medicated as a child, but maybe i should've been....

I killed God last week...goes without saying, by "God" I mean my own personal God, who was God in every way except He could not see in the dark, but I could, and we fought in the dark, and I won, because I could see in the dark, and He couldn't. Spiritual darkness is a very shitty place...if you're able to see things in that shit, that means your soul is dark and corrupted, which isn't a good thing. But I digress....my God is now dead, and as of yet I'm not sure who or what will take His place, if anything at all. It had to be done....I had to kill Him, He was holding me back in life, and He was doing that because He thought it would be better for me if my life was nothing but a struggle, so that I would be too busy trying to survive, to truly suffer....He meant well, I can grasp the logic in His wanting me to struggle, but after decades of struggling and getting nowhere, I had simply had enough. I had to get rid of Him. I wanted to make it clear that I would no longer tolerate struggling for no tangible gain. He could tell my frustration with the way things were going in my life was reaching a critical point....so He basically said, "Let's fight, and if you win, I'll fuck off", and thus initiated a mental crisis that was extremely intense, but mercifully brief....the whole ordeal only lasted a few days. By the end of it, I could no longer hear God's voice in my head, and my tolerance for pain and discomfort had increased significantly.

the right hand path is all about self-inflicted torture and degradation for the purpose of finding enlightenment. this is the path i have chosen, and i have just about mastered it. ask me anything about practicing the right hand path.

the right hand path is all about self-inflicted torture and degradation for the purpose of finding enlightenment. this is the path i have chosen, and i have just about mastered it. ask me anything about practicing the right hand path.