Zooey's piss: a crisp, clean liquid, pale straw yellow in color with hints of gold, it has floral honeyed perfumes, a soft flavor and a dry bittersweet finish with a mere hint of salt.

Zooey's poop: A solid chewable turd of a visually pleasing classically elongated shape, the color of Irish coffee with caramel, with just the right amount of liquid and fiber to achieve the much sought after melts-in-your-mouth effect, leaving a pleasant earthy aroma on your tongue, reminiscent of truffle-stuffed baked French potatoes.