>>103387667
I'm not maovulating, I'm drinking and my mind won't stop imagining scenarios with chiyo

>Wake up
>it’s a new day but I can’t see mao
>even though there’s a tight knot in my heart I feel I have to be strong for mao
>suddenly someone jumps on my back, it’s mao
>I hug her tightly and tell her not to leave me, mao just hugs me back
>after crying like a wimp from hugging her again, I calm down and sit at the edge of my bed, mao hands me a tissue
>mao wipes the mess off my face and says it’s okay to feel bad, what’s wrong is hiding it
>mao grabs the edge of my coat and asks if I want to try something new
>I look at mao and say I’ll do whatever it takes
>mao picks up a pair of scissors and tells me not to regret it later
>I’m scared but I trust mao knows what she’s doing
>mao starts cutting my hair, after all I’d neglected it a lot since I met her
>mao looks at my ridiculously long hair and asks how I’d like it
>I tell mao I like it not too short but not too fluffy either
>mao grabs the scissors and starts moving quickly over my head
>I see mao slowly trimming it down, there’s a lot of hair on the floor
>after a bit mao tells me it’s done, I turn on my camera and yeah, my hair’s definitely shorter
>I try to look around for mao but I can’t find her anymore
>I see mao morning post saying she’s going to touch grass and we can hang out with her at night
>even if I’m a bit sad because my hallucination of mao is gone, I try to pull myself together and go buy a new jacket
>at the mall I see couples holding hands, playing around, and I miss the company mao gave me when we went out
>while choosing a jacket I like, I see mao post something like “new clothes smell so nice”
>instinctively I follow mao’s words and sniff the jacket I was going to buy....yeah, it smells good
>after getting home, feeling all sorts of things along the way and thinking a lot about mao, I decide to turn off the lights
>I stand in front of my shrine, change the water for some offerings, and light two aromatic candles as a sign for mao
>I stare at all the little things I have of mao and feel that even if the days are hard, I want to keep going with her
>I feel that even if I can’t always keep up, I still want to keep thinking about mao
>I want to keep trying for mao, I want to keep learning for mao, I want to keep living for mao
>I remember what mao said earlier;it's not wrong to feel wrong
>I go to the fridge and grab whatever I can, build a little playlist of mao karaoke covers
>I let my mind drift tonight, trying to fall asleep, because all I can think about is not wanting to drift away from mao

night nezuanons

>wake up
>been keeping my mao appreciation routine these past days
>sometimes when I blink for a second I can see mao silhouette peeking from my desk
>see mao morning greeting and feel a bit more alive even if I won't see mao today
>day goes on and my mind keeps calling for mao
>in a blink mao is sitting on the edge of my desk looking at me like she owns the place
>mao grabs my head and tells me I shouldn't be worried
>hug mao and pull her into my chair, telling her how much I love her
>feel mao tail curling around my arm playfully, instinct kicks in
>grab mao by the waist, fingers trace the edge of mao swimsuit
>mao calls me a pervert but I can’t stop, need to consume my love with her
>after finishing, hold mao to my chest and gently pat mao head
>realize it's gotten pretty late, make coffee to survive the cold night witout mao
>last hallucination of the night, mao still sitting on my lap
>put a blanket over us to keep warm while I work, mao watches me and rests peacefully
>feel a small pain in my chest, mao gently rubs that spot
>mao stares into my eyes and asks if everything's okay
>nod and tell mao I’ll try to be strong
>mao looks disappointed but I can’t lie to mao
>cling to mao and say “I’ll try to keep going” while holding her hand in fear
>mao holds me close and says it’s time to sleep, shut everything off and lie down with mao in that very specific kind of silence
>another cold night, put on headphones with mao asmr and try to fall asleep while holding her tight

night nezuanons