So lemme tell you somethin’, cocksucka — years ago, I’m doin’ blow like it’s a religion. I end up at this party, meet this broad — turns out it’s Troy’s sister. Ugly thing, built like a SAVAGE, laughin’ at all my bullshit. We’re drinkin’, I’m feedin’ her lines — both kinds — and next thing you know, we’re back at her place, bangin’ like a screen door in a hurricane.

I pass out, ass naked, coked to the gills, feelin’ like the king of Washington. Middle of the night, I wake up ‘cause I got that feeling — y’know, that primal ‘something’s wrong’ feeling. I open my eyes… and there he is.

Troy.

Butt-ass naked. Tits like two sacks of custard. Gut hangin' down to his knees. Cryin’. Snot runnin’ down his face like a busted faucet. He’s standin’ there in the moonlight holdin’ a handgun, just starin’ at me like a raccoon caught in the trash.

I’m half asleep, half high, condom on the bed covered in this whore's shit, tryin’ to figure out if I’m dreamin’. And he just says, in this baby-talk voice, ‘You huffa huffa da big sista boota… baba Troy get da big sad...’ Like some kinda demon toddler. The fuckin’ gun is shakin’ in his hand like he’s gonna shoot me and himself at the same time.

I sit up, completely naked, still sweatin’ from the coke, and I go, ‘Troy, put the fuckin’ gun down before I shove it so far up your faggot pedophile ass you’ll sneeze bullets.’

His lip’s quiverin’, pig nose flared, tears and snot drippin’ onto the carpet, and then he just… runs out, farts clappin' outta his cheeks. Still naked. I hear his bedroom door slam, followed by this retarded gay scream. Broad wakes up askin’ what happened, and I just tell her, ‘Your brother’s a lunatic, babe. Now gimme the rest of that blow.’