It is impossible to convey how it feels to be alive through the phenomena of human language

>ugly
>small dick
>genuine giga hon
>turning 30 soon
>brown
>dating an 18 year old long distance
I need to end it already

I'm a 29 year old transbian and i started dating an 18 year old transbian who worships me like i'm a goddess. am i retarded

>>40359794
a lot of different fetishes have come and gone, but above all always remains autopedophilia. very very heavy emphasis on the 'auto' prefix. as in, imagining myself as a child being sexually abused. if nothing else is working, that always gets me off every time without fail.
it makes me feel disgusting and weird and i hate it. i've found that for fetishes that pop up that i dislike and don't want to have, i can get rid of them by excessively over-indulging until it loses its novelty and my brain doesn't think of it as special and interesting anymore. i've tried this multiple times for autopedophilia but it just never goes away.
obviously it comes from being sexually abused as a kid (~7-16, diagnosed cptsd from it) which makes me feel worse about it. i just want to forget more than anything