>>83096185
>trying to think when I started coping that way, honestly can't remember.
Sounds like childhood trauma. I don't even know if years of therapy would help deal with it.
I think you can find success stories and failure stories if you try online. People who stopped thinking about self harm, or people who tried to stop thinking about self harm but failed to supress it so badly they ended up taking their own lives. But you probably aren't hearing those second accounts from primary sources, but instead by their friends or family members effected by the suicide

I'm not cheering you up sorry bro