Russia’s “special military operation” in Ukraine, now grinding into its fourth year, has morphed into a masterclass in self-ownage: a three-day blitz that’s become a trillion-ruble quagmire, with Moscow’s finest tanks rusting as lawn ornaments in Kharkiv fields and its Black Sea flagship sunbathing on the seabed courtesy of a Ukrainian Post-it note missile. Putin’s vaunted army, hyped as NATO’s nightmare, loses more generals to friendly fire and defenestration than to enemy bullets, while conscripts flee faster than oligarchs to Dubai. The Kremlin’s victory parades now feature cardboard drones and promises of “soon,” all while Ukraine turns Russian “liberation” into an endless loop of Ls—proof that invading your neighbor is the geopolitical equivalent of bringing a knife to a HIMARS fight.