Actually,
>posted in another thread "i've never fired a rocket launcher" as a joke
>had to consider seriously for a moment if that's something that could impact the future of my career

that's just me being stupid though, I'm childish because I've never held a real job, but at the same time, I do have to think once in a while "I know vaguely how a rocket launcher works, but not how to fire one safely myself" and how to fire one properly might enter a planning document I write one day about some piece of retarded equipment I wanna procure or modify, and that feels bad. It feels weird, and childish, and as proud of myself I am for getting by this long, it leaves me a big pang of guilt that my job is so stupid and not relatable to the real world

like, a month or so ago, I was rigging up a duty belt and extra rigging for all the crap I have to carry in a boat, just for myself, but with the thought that maybe I could monetize that. Then I thought "Who the fuck needs a specialized tacvest for being in a boat? Even I'm only there like once a month, and only carry all of this crap because of other failures in myself and in the system that puts me there." And on top of that, I can't wear armor with an auto-inflating life vest, but that's a whole other series of problems that never come up yet seem ever-present.