>>18662463
I found a shred of calmness between a trazodone and reaching out to her that lulled me into a fitful sleep. In it I had a nightmare where she had replaced Shino in the UUG. A faceless figure stormed the stage and stabbed her in the gut with a butcher knife while they were performing. I tried with every fiber of my being to rush to her side but was held back by some force I can't explain. The harder I pushed forward and the further I held out my arm the more distant she became. I watched her bleeding out and there was nothing I could do about it. I woke up drenched in sweat even angrier than I was before.

The numbness hasn't even begun to subside. I sit, blankly staring at my screen as my brain races through every possible scenario one by one. What happened and what could be next. I try to convince myself that this isn't as bad as it seems. Thus far it's an exercise in futility. The information that has come to light since I woke up has only compounded the uncertainty that I find absolutely torturous.