I'm practically an atheist. I do all kinds of immoral stuff without qualms, trivialize the bending of my own system of ethics when it's convenient, don't go to church, rarely pray, rarely give to the poor or needy, and spend my free time immersed in porn addiction. This would be fine for someone else who was, in fact, an atheist, and would present no dilemma. Unfortunately for me, for whatever reason, the brute fact of the existence of God is constantly and obviously present to me, much like sunlight illuminating everything which one sees. I can no more pretend to atheism or agnosticism than I can flap my wings and fly. For reasons that are beyond my understanding, I have received the free gift of belief, something whose lack I have seen torture many others.
It's strange. The way some people see it, I should just be "honest" with myself and quit all pretensions to religion or spirituality. The way others see it, I should be some kind of saintly figure for what I have. Neither feels quite right to me.