Great work everyone (well, almost everyone)! Deeply impressed.
This was tough to call, lots of really good stuff. But here's where I land:
1st place: Dhammazedi
2nd: a normal dog
3rd: Hart Glass
Honourable mentions go to zwieback, ghidra and hapaanon.
In spite of the late flood of AI slop, I still liked the meta deconstructionism of Twelve Remarks, ineptia in disguise and metaanon. They did it better first.
I'm at work right now but if this thread hasn't drowned in cutup mashes I'll provide more detailed critiques tomorrow.