Duty. Spite. Purpose. Fear of Hell. Responsibilities to the people around me.
I want to die a lot of the time but there's a time and place for that. Until then I'm buying ammo, hitting the range, and getting ready. Raise my kid until he doesn't need me any more. Then it's off to find whatever legacy version of Project Delta will exist at that time.
I won't go to my grave without at least trying