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... about what I would do if I won the lottery. Even if I get a comfy house, leave Aby, get cancer treatments, will I be happy? Will I be disgusted by my wants or no? I think... If I had anything I needed. I would feel the same. I would not want to kill myself, maybe, but I fucking sure just spend money on guns and ammo, and I would eventually snap and give in to my desires. I think Stephen Paddock was similar to me. I bet he also had these thoughts of murder that he want to act on, but was able to hide it. I think he snapped one day and he realised he was super rich, and nearing the end of his life. I think he said "fuck it" and broke. He blew (??) whatever he needed on his plan, and planned meticulously for the plan he always wanted to do. His last hurt (?? hard to read, says 'hurd', maybe 'hure/a'). I feel the same, my life is over. I am ready to put it all towards my attack?