Started writing a long green text but my life has been so surreal, atrocious and outright nightmarish I'd just say I wanna die

>be raped
>be abandoned by everybody
>family catholic, blame it on me
>psychologist guilt trips me and makes me repress rape and bullying trauma
>be raped again in catholic university by female teacher
>legal shit ensues
>get scammed by lawyer
>be told yo kill myself by church authorities
>new lawyer, managed to graduate
>grandma blames me being raped into me because le god is le angry™
>dad encouraged me to chose a shitty degree intentionally because he wanted me to fail in life (admitted by him)
>tried to kill myself twice, parents found me on my room mutilating myself
>literally did nothing
>NOTHING
>friends abandoned me just because
>do second degree, get ready to leave (have shitalian passport)
>lol covid
>become NEET
>grandma dies, keeps cursing me even in deathbed and telling me how my cousins are better
>now I'm basically my dad's nurse
>mother is the only person I have
>still I want to kill myself, there's nothing in the future and my life is permanently ruined
And that's it more or less