>>938667967
Listen to me, you delusional cocksucker — I read that little essay you wrote, pretendin’ to be Beady. Who the fuck do you think you are? Nobody gives a fuck. Nobody! You been stalkin’ this guy for years, dreamin’ about him, tryin’ to get his personal info like a greasy little gumshoe, and the punchline is — he don’t even know you fuckin’ exist. That’s the knockout, cocksucka. He wins just by walkin’ down the street not thinkin’ about your fungus-drippin’ dick.

You smell like a catbox, you leakin’ phimosis goblin. You’re a mentally retarded man-baby in a wig, screamin’ into the void, and the void don’t even echo back. Nobody cares, ya pedo fuck. You’re just gonna die alone with your ass boil and your keyboard covered in semen, and Beady’s never gonna know your name. That’s your life. That’s your legacy. But at least your nephew'll be safe. Go fuck yourself.

So I’m higher than fuck, brother — I’m on StubHub, I see Def Leppard tickets. I go, ‘Beautiful, I’ll get to hear Pour Some Sugar on Me and eat an edible.’ I show up, it ain’t Def Leppard, it’s a death metal festival. There’s dudes with goat skulls, chicks with piercings in their assholes, the whole fuckin’ nine.

I’m standin’ there with my plastic cup of nine-dollar beer when who the fuck comes slithering through the crowd? Babs. This creepy salamander fuck, with his mom right behind him. He's wearin’ a T-shirt that says 'I’m With Mommy' like it’s a badge of honor. He’s beggin’ people: ‘Does anybody wanna hang out with me? Anybody want a blowjob?’ People are just recoiling like he’s radioactive.

Then this cocksucker slides up next to me. I’m like, ‘Listen to me, you inbred fuck, get away from me before I break this cup over your head and feed it to your mother’s ass. Go slither somewhere else, you wormy piece of shit.’ He backs off, lookin’ like he’s about to cry.

Next time I look out at the crowd? This animal’s got his tongue down his mother’s throat, his hand buried in her slacks. She looks dead, brother. DEAD. And the band’s on stage screamin’ about Satan while this motherfucker is doin’ the devil’s work two feet from the beer tent.

That’s when I knew I had to go home, light a candle, and rethink my whole fuckin’ life.