26 M Southeast USA
I was always a terrible person. I was always ugly, mentally ill, perhaps irredeemable from the day of my birth. But I do think I had a chance to be "happy" or at least find some sort of reconciliation with life when I was younger, not on my own but through the generosity of others. Yet when one has fallen so far, it is difficult, even impossible to accept help. Several women did try to help me, but I was always too afraid of falling short of their expectations; if you are like me, perhaps you know how much pressure there is in knowing someone wants to "fix" you. The attention is both "positive" and intensely painful. What if I cannot get better? This is what one must always think. What if I get better and they have no more use for me?

Obviously someone like me fantasizes about being taken in by a rich, understanding, supportive, perfect female who gives them a spot to exist without needing to offer anything in return (after all, what would I have to give), but even should she appear, I would never be able to tolerate it. The next best thing is someone so horrible that I feel no obligation to perform, and that if she left I could feel nothing but indifference. That is to say, I don't really care what sort of person you are or what comes of it, as long as you understand that we will not work out and I have nothing to offer you.