Every reviewer jizzes about "It revs to 9000!". How is that a good thing? It's like saying "Wow my package took 9000 days to cum in the male!"

I want low-end torque to break the tires loose at idle RPM. I don't want to wait for it to "rev up". I want that power NOW, so I can do a burnout NOW, right here in the middle of traffic.

I want loud bassy rumble, like a guttural growl. Not no annoying high-pitched wail like a thousand toddlers screaming. Fuck V10s, Eye-talians, whatever other bullshit you car nerds fap to.

Even modern muscle revs too high for me (new Mustangs redline 8000!) and not enough low-end torque. What the fuck do I do? DON'T YOU DARE say go electric