>>2836960
Sigh, I think I'm just not cut out to be a le ebin machiavellian cycle path that can use and abuse other people so easily. That night at the rave of which the other anon was making fun of me above for not getting laid, when the girl and I were alone for a bit, she said I was treating her so well, like a queen and everything (please do keep in mind I was on LSD and MDMA at this time). It was as sincere as I could have it. I think I'm just gonna rub one out tonight to dirty fetish porn like a good honest man would, as my soul still feels clean somehow after that near descent into degeneracy. I might be too autistic, too ugly, or too "ick" for normal human bonds. And yet, I feel zen. I feel calm, both during and afer the experience.

Oh yeah, I was even showing her some of my drawings at one point when we were talking and she seemed exactly as interested as you'd expect. If anything it redpilled me a bit on vvomen in a paradoxical way since she seemed kind of slobbish with how she acted at points.