Setting: FBI field office, Domestic Terrorism Task Force unit. a freshly minted Special Agent has just logged into the terminal and opened 4chan’s /pol/ board for the first time. Nearby, two seasoned agents observe.

AGENT #1:
leans back in his chair, sips burnt coffee
“Jesus, look at the kid. Still smells like Quantico. He thinks he’s gonna stop the next Oklahoma City with a Bachelor’s in Excel.”

AGENT #2:
glancing over
“He's got no idea what's about to hit him. That board eats souls. I give him four hours before he files a hostile work environment complaint against the entire internet.”

AGENT #1
“Four hours? You’re optimistic. Wait till he sees his first ‘racial IQ chart’ MS Paint special. That’s usually the threshold.”

AGENT #2:
“Think he even knows what a ‘glowie’ is?”

AGENT #1:
“He is one. He just doesn’t know they’ve already pegged him.”

AGENT #2:
snorts
“Wait for the first ‘you’re the fed’ replies. That’ll be his welcome party.”

AGENT #1:
mocking voice
‘Sir, what does “honk honk” mean in this context?’”

AGENT #2:
“Give it ten minutes. He’ll be asking someone to explain ‘Clown World’ and why there’s a thread with 600 posts arguing whether anime is a CIA op.”

AGENT #1:
“He’ll come out the other side red-pilled, black-pilled, or broken. No in-between.”

AGENT #2:
Nods slowly, serious for a beat
“First day’s a rite of passage. He’ll learn. We all did.”

(Pause. They both glance over at the new agent, who is visibly recoiling, eyes wide, reading a thread titled “THE JEWS DID EVERYTHING AGAIN (EVIDENCE INSIDE)” with a photo of a frog in a Nazi uniform.)

AGENT #1:
sighs
“...And there it is. His soul just left his body.”

AGENT #2:
taps out an email with one hand
“Scheduling his therapy intake now.”