What if this "Game" had loading screen's "tips and facts"?

If you were assigned with making some of them, what would you want them to say?

No matter how unreliable and unhelpful they might actually be.
Here are some of my ideas.

>To walk around, walk around. You can also run, It's like walking, but faster!
>Ragatha's greatest secret is that she is actually mad as a sack full of kittens, likes wearing diappers, toys in the attic, truly gone fishing. You get the idea.
>Jax wife is dead!
>Try not to think of existencial dread!
>I wish the lighting in this game were better...
>Wooh Pomni on a stick everyone! Get them while they are hot! Pomni on a stick!