>>41503183
>hard to identify wants.
I see, it would be great if you two could work together to collect little things you enjoy. It might also be worth to try out new things.
>Since I don't have to be in unsafe places, it's really hard to blame anyone else but myself.
Sometimes, and that is extremely difficult, blame is something that must be categorically rejected. You see, blame/guilt serve a purpose: accountability. They are supposed to "punish" a bad action that was deliberately taken so that next time we remember the consequences and don't do it. This does not work with some things. Take automatic thoughts, or reflexes/kneejerk reactions. Ingrained things are not conscious. It is absurd to look back to and say "yeah I should have just decided not to do the thing I have no control over". If any blame must be dished out in these cases it must be a what not a who. Am I making sense?
>I need to be actually more productive in stead of less so.
Not quite, you need to be consistent first. THEN productive. Trust me that order will make the difference long term. If you learn to do 20% 80% of the time you will much more easily manage to give 30%/40/50% (80% of the time). In math terms, don't look at the maximum, look at the integral of your performance over time. Lower peaks, raise valleys.
>Isn't adhd something that'd start in childhood?
As far as I know, usually, yes. But to me these labels are simply a collection of symptoms with treatments that alleviate them. Ideally. I didn't remember your history well and neurodivergence is rampant on lgbt so I always mention it. That said I get your circumstances not allowing a diagnosis for strategic reasons. Still, it's unlikely that it is an issue to begin with, but checking common symptoms to make sure is free and painless.
>I can't pull the plug (can't work), can't dns ban myself (my work pc has news sites and wikipedia)
That is tricky, yeah, especially if there is no way to work offline.
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