Thread 96459949

Quickly, what's your course of action?

I cast Time Stop, cum inside OP's ass, and then shoot him five times..

Let the goat go motherfucker

I don't think it's nice, you holding it hostage.

STOP! PLEASE! THAT'S MY WIFE

>>96459949 (OP)
I shoot the goat.

>>96459968
>you now have an incurable semi-sentient STD that only speaks in /pol/ memes
What now?

>>96460542
whats one more?

>>96459949 (OP)
I shoot the hostage taker, then the hostage, then myself.

>>96460542
Move to India, make a Twitter account, and then make money off what the STD tells me.

>>96459949 (OP)
Why would my course of action matter in this scenario?

>>96459949 (OP)
the goat's hp will tank most of the hit so when the polymorph drops the rest of the damage it will be negligible. just let it happen

>>96460542
>nothing's changed
Cool

>>96459949 (OP)
I don't negotiate with terrorists.

>>96459949 (OP)
Trick shot, I shoot the hammer off of his pistol, leaving it unable to fire. Just a really shitty club now.

Am I getting paid to save the hostages?

>>96462180
depends on the setting.

>>96459949 (OP)
back away slowly because that goat is clearly a shoggoth

>>96461025
So much of the old GI training manual was hitting people in the genitals. Wouldn't surprise me if their instructions for medi vacs involved kneeling the patient in the balls at some point.

>>96459949 (OP)
Taking hostages eh? Well, two can play at that game.

>>96462345
>hitting people in the genitals
it's the single most effective way to 1 hit KO a man in CQC and you're not supposed to have manners in war

>>96462345
Some old British commandlo video referred to kicking you opponent in the nuts with "spoil his prospects".

>>96459949 (OP)
Free food!
>>96460111
Inshallah!

>>96459949 (OP)
I grab a plate and start up the grill.

>>96459949 (OP)
kill hostage takes, Revivify hostages if necessary

>Elven embassy in human kingdoms attacked by orc terrorists
>They have taken the ambassador hostage
>Magical Spetznaz arrives on the scene
>"Release the hostages. You have 5 minutes to comply"
>5 minutes pass "Ok Demitry, light them up"
>APCs and machine guns around the perimeter shoot at the embassy non-stop for 10 minutes, the embassy is leveled
>"Alright Demitry, that's enough. Let's go look for survivors."
>No survivors, 20 dead elves, 12 dead orcs
>Local church dispatches the clerics on the scene
>Elves are revived, but are comatoze for the next month
>Orcs are restrained and revived, executed a week later
>"Perfect mission Demitry. No hostage casualties. Let's go drinking."

>>96459949 (OP)
I let everyone around me know about how horrible the hostage taker is and how sad it is that he killed the goat. through song
I attack with my magic horn, killing both the goat and the gunman
I chase down the gunman's "accomplices"
I destroy his entire kingdom with my magic horn
I keep singing about how sad it is that those gunmen keep killing so many goats

>>96463005
>it's the single most effective way to 1 hit KO a man in CQC
Kek no, and most of these training manuals are useless and written by people who were never in a fight.

>>96459949 (OP)
Calm down, don't shoot your wife or girlfriend.

>>96470404
>Orcs are restrained and revived, executed a week later

>>96459949 (OP)
I shoot the goat.

>>96459949 (OP)
No witnesses.

>>96459949 (OP)
Roll for insight on the goat.
Is it secretly the BBEG?

>>96459949 (OP)
ask where the game discussion is

>>96459949 (OP)
Shoot the goat. Tell the hostage taker we should not mix our human see with the seductive orifices of goats. When he looks at me funny I shoot him. Then after checking that no one is watching I make sweet love to the goat’s corpse. The little whore. Degenerate horned slut.
And that’s how you Paladin.

>>96459949 (OP)
Immediately start yapping, asking questions, demands, telling them to calm down "you don't wanna do this" type shit in order to buy time for my fellow party members to sneak around or get a clean shot/spell off.

>>96474029
Depends on the setting.

>>96460433
Take it out of the equation.

>>96459949 (OP)
We must save our beastkin from the man-filth!

I give em the Spetsnaz Special

>>96459949 (OP)
Quest giver, give me the loot! Or I shoot the goat!

>>96459949 (OP)
I kms

>>96478222
Mr. Gone was a peculiar fellow.

>>96478415
I don't worry about grenades

>>96470625
>I could easily take a knee to the balls and an eye gouge without flinching

>>96459949 (OP)
Turn mysef into a goat and offer me as an hostage instead

>>96462377
Based
>>96463079
Lmao

>>96478466
Most characters in The Maxx were

>>96459949 (OP)
> Me in Ready or Not
I just shoot everyone and take the minus 500 points or whatever

Is the goat immortal or something

>>96459949 (OP)
Man, I wish I was that goat so someone would hold me comfortingly while shooting me through the fucking brainstem so I'd be dead before I even know what's going on.

>>96459949 (OP)
Current campaign? A quick and heated discussion on whether shooting the vessel will kill the demon inside it and how fast can we get another goat over here to bind it again if needed.

>>96459968
Sorry, Anon. The brigand knows what spellcasting looks like, so he uses his reaction to attack. As you complete the spell, time slows to a standstill in the moment just before the light fully leaves the now-former hostage's eyes.

>>96459949 (OP)
i kill the plutocrats and legally buy the hostage taker and keep it in my harem

>>96490554
>uses his reaction to attack
Mother FUCKER that is not how reactions work outside of Mage Slayer, and only if you're within 5' for some retarded reason.

>>96459949 (OP)
Start jacking off furiously and ask if I can fuck the body afterwards.

>>96490783
mage slayer is the worst thing ever
"do you want to make fighting a wizard still completely impossible but spend a feat to give the DM an avenue to pretend you are still useful as a fighter"
that is what mage slayer is
occasionally you can do have the same situation but its your entire class instead of normal melee stuff so unlike the fighters who are almost as good as mages in about 50% of encounters between 1st and 4rd level you are just terrible all the time forever
its honestly really really easy to make a good mage slayer class
you just cant do it by making magic less effective on the character and giving them chip damage
which is what folks keep trying

>>96492022
The big issue is that that two thirds of the feat require you to be within melee range, while the bastard's going to be throwing around spells with 30 to 150 range and hitting areas that are a hell of a lot bigger than 5'. Including shit like Advantage of Saving Throws.
Unless it's 24, in which case you can succeed on a failed saving roll ONCE, make it count kids; he has way more spells.

>>96459949 (OP)
In the grand scheme of things, hesitation in the face of a hostage situation only provides value to the vile act. I cry as I eat goat curry that evening.

>>96459949 (OP)
Spinning kick

>>96492022
>>96493008
Can't your magic using teammates cast stuff on you like haste to allow you to close the gap easily so you only have to take like one turn of spells before you wreck his shit

>>96459949 (OP)
Two can play at that game
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_JOGmXpe5I

run to the store for veggies and curry base

>>96493052
that still leaves you with
takes a mage to beat a mage

>>96493008
150 feet? a mage can kill you from another dimension
a proper mage slayer needs to even that playing field
or fundamentally change it to an equal extent as magic does to be ok.
but in my opinion it should be more extreme than magic because magic works on everything
and a mage slayer only works on mages.

>>96459949 (OP)
Lol.