Be honest, if you had a portal gun, you would

>>713205603 (OP)
I would manage to find a way to fall and kill myself or bite my dick off

>>713205603 (OP)
I would not want to suck my own dick, that's gross. I would use a portal gun to rape women though.

>>713205603 (OP)
no homo

>>713205603 (OP)
>implying I need a portal gun

>>713205603 (OP)
first thing I'm doing is robbing a bank not sucking my own dick like a retard

>>713205603 (OP)
And I'd never stop.

>>713205759
hi Marilyn Manson

>>713205603 (OP)
Sucking yourself off isn't as good as you think it is.

>>713205902
having a huge dick also helps

>>713205603 (OP)
Is that a thing for gay folk? The desire to suck yourself off?
Well, I can give you some insight into a straight mind: I've got no desire for penis in my mouth. In fact the idea is repulsive.

>>713205817
I feel like even with a portal gun it’d be impossible not to get caught. There’s too many cameras everywhere now. They’d catch you on the way there somehow

>>713205981
I've heard it's more like sucking cock than getting your cock sucked, but I'd still do it.

>>713205603 (OP)
OP simulator 2025

>>713206058
You don't have to pretend here, fag. We all know we would do it.

Sure, I'd swallow too

>>713206187
>Cannot conceive of a mental landscape without a desire for cocks in it.
You lack empathy, anon.

>>713205603 (OP)
Not enough native moon shit on earth to rock a portal gun

>>713206059
set up portal in your basement, go to bank with mask and gun, tell them to open the vault or you'll shoot, fill bag with money, set up portal in vault, and then leave with no trace

>>713206058
if sucking your own dick is gay then giving yourself a handjob is also gay

>>713206378
Every men in existence has, at some point, wondered what it would be like to suck his own dick. This is one of the unifying aspects of the human experience.

I did autofellatio in 2015 before I got fat.
It's not fun because you can't generate forward/back movement hunched over but tongue and lips feel very nice indeed.

>>713206008
how big is it?

>>713206514
If a man stumbles into you and you brush his dick, that's not fay.
If a man stumbles into you and you get his cock in your mouth, that's pretty gay, even as an accident.

>>713205817
>Don't mind me guards I just gonna shoot an inexplicable blue thing into the vault from this funny looking large gun thing.

>>713205603 (OP)
bite my own balls off?
i mean, maybe

>>713206058
yes, I would love nothing more than sucking myself off, not only because it would feel good but also having a penis on my mouth would be hot

>>713206680
6”

>>713206693
>put portal on frame
>cover with painting
>put in vault
>wait until closing
>go through portal
>profit???

>>713206480
>set up portal in your basement
Okay.
>go to bank with mask and gun
Cameras everywhere to try and get any identifiable characteristic not covered by the mark. Metal detector at the entrance. Guards raising the alarm as soon as they see some fatso walking in with a mask.
>tell them to open the vault or you'll shoot
Tellers behind bullet proof glass. Silent alarm probably went off long ago at this point. Guards are instructed not to shoot but they can't open the vault either. Vault is probably on a timer or has some redundancy to prevent it being open by just the manager or just some code.
>fill bag with money
You have a portal gun, just create a portal under the pile of money.
>set up portal in vault
Fine.
>then leave with no trace
Except all the camera footage.

>>713205603 (OP)
Why I would want a dick in my mouth when I could get it in my ass?

>>713205603 (OP)
cumming isn't worth being a faggot for.

youre not doing shit with a portal gun. it cant even conduct portals on anything that isnt made of moon rock. fucking useless. this is why black mesa won

portal_(object) tetsuwan_woopie

>>713206735
You do you, mate. OP didn't specify it was a question only for gay-anons, so I offered him my input as a straight guy.

>>713207220
It still works without any problems on some surfaces that aren't refined moon rock like concrete.

I can already tit fuck myself I don't need much else

>just flexible enough to take the head in
>doesn't feel as good as I thought

>>713207545
How fat are you?

>>713205817
how would you use a portal gun to rob a bank?

>>713207545
Achievable natty?

>>713207187
It's not gay sex it's masturbation

>>713207592
Enough I guess

https://litter.catbox.moe/dhyx5mbfbo939ee2.webm

>>713207592
this is him

>>713206812
That didn't even work in the movie you took the idea from

>>713207187
You're already a faggot if you give yourself a handjob

>>713206058
what about lubed up handies?

>>713207670
Why are you black?

>>713205603 (OP)
I'd probably just sell it to some research institute so they can make an infinite power generator with it. I really don't know what else I'd use it for, I considered using it to shorten certain journeys, but if you leave the portal open you run the risk of someone else discovering it.

>>713207693
Pretty sure there aren't any movies with the portal gun kiddo
we can't even get a half life movie

>>713207670
sup homie

>>713206683
ok but what if you trip and land in a position where you have your own cock in your mouth.

It's frustrating that you couldn't fuck your own ass.

>>713207809
This post gets the cuck award for today.

>>713207917
What would you use it for?

>>713207910
yes you could

>put a portal at the bottom of the ocean
>put one in city of your choice
>???
>profit

>Bfags

>>713208048
No, you can't you fucking retard. Think about it for 1 second.

>>713208125
>put portal on pillow
>pur portal on wall
ez

>>713208019
>pooping without having to go to the toilet
>grabbing snacks without getting up
>infinite energy devices
>OP's pic

>>713208171
Portals can't go on movable objects.

>>713207670
would

>>713205603 (OP)
no
i will always remember a wise quote from a man who accomplished it: "it doesn't feel like getting your dick sucked. it feels like sucking a dick."

>>713208231
they can in portal 2

>>713208261
Thanks bro

>>713208125
now fuck off

>>713207670
not you, but I would date this person

I doubt people wash their dick enough to be confident they'd like to suck themselves off

>>713206515
Every man in existence who stood at the edge of a sheer cliff has though about what it would be like if he were to fall from that height, doesn't mean every man wants to jump off a cliff.

>>713208329
No problem dude, gotta 'preesh your bros' cocke every now and then

>>713206790
a catbox image would be nice...

>>713208375
Okay retard, now try thrusting. Fucking dimwit.

>>713205740
You better not expect a woman to do it if you think it's so gross

>>713208125
>>713208375
Just put the portals at an angle to each other and as you lower your hips your dick will get closer to your butt.

>it's friday night
>some people are out and having the time of their life
>I'm watching strangers arguing about whether or not you could fuck your own ass with a portal gun

>>713208219
How do you imagine the pooping thing to work? You have a hole near you to poop into? You'd have to close it otherwise it would smell, like even if you position it above a toilet good luck flushing it.
The snacks thing is a good idea.
Infinite energy I mentioned.
I'd rather just get an onahole than do OP's pic.

>>713208704
you could go out too anon
the door is right there

>>713208460
You would if you could fly. Don't give me that bullshit.

>>713205603 (OP)
I can do it without the portal gun so no, not really

>>713205603 (OP)
dude i'm fat and i could still suck my dick if i wanted to, in fact i did when i was like 15
do you have a micropenis?

>>713208704
you could fuck your butt too anon
the portal is right there

>>713208501
god you guys are so fucking gay

>>713208091
>just go to the bottom of the ocean bro!
retard

>>713208895
what happens if you shoot the portal gun into water or underwater