>check negative reviews
>"what are you looking at the negative reviews for? just buy the game"

>finish game
>leave a negative review
>"why did you finish it if you didn't like it?

>drop game
>leave a negative review
>"you didn't even finish the game"

>>714698649 (OP)
Steam reviews are the fucking worst, each one of those trannies deserves death

>review is just some inside joke only the fandom knows about

>>714699164
you will never be a man or white or human

>Graphics
You forget what reality is
Beautiful
Good
Decent
Bad
Don‘t look too long at it
MS-DOS

>Gameplay
Very good
Good
It's just gameplay
Mehh
Watch paint dry instead
Just don't

>Audio
Eargasm
Very good
Good
Not too bad
Bad
I'm now deaf

>Audience
Kids
Teens
Adults
Grandma

>PC Requirements
Check if you can run paint
Potato
Decent
Fast
Rich boi
Ask NASA if they have a spare computer

>Game Size
Floppy Disk
Old Fashioned
Workable
Big
Will eat 15% of your 1TB hard drive
You will want an entire hard drive to hold it
You will need to invest in a black hole to hold all the data

>Difficulty
Just press 'W'
Easy
Easy to learn / Hard to master
Significant brain usage
Difficult
Dark Souls

>Grind
Nothing to grind
Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks
Isn't necessary to progress
Average grind level
Too much grind
You'll need a second life for grinding

>Story
No Story
Some lore
Average
Good
Lovely
It'll replace your life

>Game Time
Long enough for a cup of coffee
Short
Average
Long
To infinity and beyond

>Price
It's free!
Worth the price
If it's on sale
If u have some spare money left
Not recommended
You could also just burn your money

>Bugs
Never heard of
Minor bugs
Can get annoying
ARK: Survival Evolved
The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs

>>714698649 (OP)
send a jester

>>714699525
I hate this shit so fucking much

>>714699525
You're jealous you never came up with a great template like she did. Get over it, kid.

>>714698649 (OP)
>Check reviews
>Some fag is using greentext meme arrows to review his game to prove how internet cultured he is

I seriously hope you guys don't do this.

>>714700750
Unlikely. Chances are people who do this don't even know what a greentext is and just repeat what they saw on twitter and yes, people use the meme arrows on twitter

>>714699073
I bought a switch 2 and hated how dog shit the screen was and hated that I couldn't plug it into my monitor to get around that. You didn't see me sperging in the reviews section, I just went back and returned it and got my money back. Momma always told us if we didn't have nothing nice to say then we shouldn't say nothing at all.

>>714699462
this pisses me off so much, especially with games that I feel really could use some actual criticism so that they can improve
>picrel

>*something somewhat amusing happens in the game*
>10/10 would ____ again

>>714700750
I don't, but I always read the comments and posts from the people who do.

>>714698649 (OP)
Sometimes the negative reviews are better to check out than the positive.
>Thinking of buying the SS2 remaster earlier
>Positive reviews all sucking the game off, mostly kids who have only played this new version
>Uh huh, let's see the real issues
>Check the negatives
>Almost all of them are complaining about the multiplayer, the one element I give zero fucks about
>Nice, sounds like a good buy then.
But yeah, most of the time it's retards trying to be funny or begging for points and likes. I hate that it seems to work too.

>>714699525
I just scroll past these. Fuck them, anyone who uses this doesn't have an opinion worth hearing, because they couldn't even be bothered to format their own review.

>>714703818
I hate that everybody is a winner bullshit mentality. Fuck you and your mom, she raised a bitch (you).

>FAKKIN' QUEERS!
>*throws char in the air*

>negative reviews
>filter by 100+ hours played
never fails

>>714705203
>game is 2 hours long

>>714699073
>why did you finish it if you didn't like it?
"Because I'm not a game journalist and want to get the whole picture before I judge a game"

>fan game demo comes out that looks cool but is weighed down considerably by design issues and is frankly mediocre
>clear the devs could use a good amount of constructive criticism in order to improve their game
>everyone sucks it off and say it's 10/10 the best thing ever

>Game known for taking several hundred hours of your time to scratch the surface
>Gushing review that feels like a little kid trying to sit at the big boy table
>Usually ends with a smiley of some sort or knowing wink, because they're totally one of the boys now!
>1.2 hours played
The fucking Factorio review section.

>>714705203
fuck you
UPDATES MOTHERFUCK UPDATES THAT LITERALLY RUIN THE GAME FOREVER

What criteria would you implement to review? I think we could benefit from two systems, one for thumbs up or down and one for detailed user review.

>>714699073
my problem is not that people finish a game and leave a negative review.
my problem is that there are people that finish the game, do all the extra story missions, get every achievement and complete every challenge, and THEN have the gall to leave a negative review because the game was "repetitive."

>>714699073
>play the game for 4999.99 hours
>ummm the game only gets good 5000 hours in
>play the game for 5000 hours and 0.01 nanosecond
>well you played the game for so long you must have liked it

>>714698649 (OP)
>Watch my review on youtube
>Guy plays for 5 minutes while displaying the skills of a journalist
>Says nothing
Are these people fucking retarded or juat delusional?

>>714699525
I always rate these reviews as "unhelpful"

>I committed a series of outlandish and heinous acts you can do in the game. Then I went home and played the game.

>>714706227
Does that even do anything anymore? At this point I just clown them if I have the points.

>>714706130
>>714699073
if you played the game for more than 2 hours (over the refund period) then you got your money's worth
if you leave a negative review after that you are a hypocrite

>I tried it for a bit, it's ok I guess
>78992 hours played

Steam reviews at this point are so bad they're on par with IGN reviews

>>714700750
>go to profile
>give clown award
>make a 13 years old child seethe

>>714706404
are you still living in the early 2000s? this isn't even a >open alpha meme, we live in the era of live service updates now. it is absolutely possible for a dev to just shit all over their own game one day and there is nothing you can do about it other than leave a negative review.

>>714706326
Nice self-own.

>>714706773
Yeah, yeah, I know it gives them points too, but what other means do I have of flipping the retards off?

>>714706164
>that pic
lmao so true

>>714707373
>but what other means do I have of flipping the retards off?
If you acknowledge your enemies, they win

>>714706773
>>714707373
It gives them points, but it also makes them seethe. It's not a bad idea, even if it's a double edged sword.

>I really wanted to like this game, I really do

>>714708742
I think my Tomb Raider 2013 review starts like this

>>714700750
1.7 hrs played (0.0hrs the past two weeks)
>be me
>wake up at the beach
>see another internet stranger
>he says "hello" in a funny african accent
>we become friends and build a house together
>he gets attacked by an alligator
>screams "zanzibart.. forgive me"
>never see him again
10/10 game. recommended

>mixed reviews for a game I've heard is great
>check the negative reviews
>its all chinese babble

I just read foreign reviews.

>It's a good game, it's just not a good X game
What do they mean by this?

>>714709839
That the publisher decided to tack on the gameplay on an existing series in order to facilitate sales through a known name instead of actually having confidence in their product.
E.g. RE4.

>>714706721
>we live in the era of live service updates now
that's just you bro
you made the decision to play a live cancer game

>remaster/remake comes out
>some fag with 0.2 hours played posts a le ebin review referencing some meme about the game
>500 awards

>>714706404
The most retarded thing I've read this thread.

>>714709839
>it's a good dame, it's just not a good souls game

>positive review
>Is an inside joke or reference from an e-celeb

>>714698649 (OP)
report those instead of bitching about it on 4chan. they break steam TOS.

>check reviews
>"this game doesn't have the making of a varsity e-sport"

>>714698649 (OP)
>L4D2 goes on sale
>Change my review to negative
>L4D2 goes off salve
>Change my review to positive
And all the while I'm griefing newfags who think that playing Expert Realism as their first match ever is a smart idea.

>>714706773
>see a dumb review
>"monster hunter rise has too many instrusive tutorials compared to world"
>lmao what the fuck is this dude talking about
>use some of my nearly 200k points to give him a jester
>go to show someone the review later
>he deleted it out of shame
lmao

>>714699073
The eternal paradox. I hate when retards insist that you must have enjoyed a game if you finished it. I finish things all the time so I can better shit on them.

>>714714441
>>L4D2 goes on sale
>>Change my review to negative
>>L4D2 goes off salve
>>Change my review to positive
don't you mean the opposite?

>>714714845
No, he's trying to "gatekeep" his half-dead game

>>714706326
The only time I get clowns is if I leave a negative review for a game because retards get buttmad that you're not pretending bad games are actually good.

>>714714441
you're a rabid sperg

>leave negative review
>dev apologizes, says he will look at it and make changes
>delete review
Makes me feel like an asshole.

What's the longest, highest effort review you guys have given?

>>714698649 (OP)
Anyone who looks at reviews of a game instead of reading the description or watching short gameplay vids is a total cuck.

>>714714845
No, the game is genuinely unplayable during Steam sales. People who cope by saying "just play with friends" don't understand the concept that some of us want a Versus match where we have to actually try, and surprise surprise, you don't have to try against newfags. It's fucking boring.

>>714703818
>I hated I didn't understand how to plug an hdmi cable into a dock so I returned the console
weird flex

>>714720305
>Having to bring my 130 dollar dock anywhere I want to plugin my switch to a monitor
Not happening. Glad I returned it.

>>714721409
>I hated I didn't notice the dock was included in the box so I returned the console because I thought it's 130 dollars extra
it's okay we all make mistakes

>>714698649 (OP)
>give an indie game a negative review with constructive criticism weighing both the artistic pros but the poor mechanical issues that the dev had time to fix since the demo from MONTHS ago
>get 4 jesters and 2 laugh awards
>but 100+ helpfuls
>0 comments
W-well, I'll take what I can get

>>714720248
>Versus player
I've never seen a playerbase so fucking desperate for recognition than l4d pvp players.

>>714718382

>>714721637
He’s obviously talking about how the switch 2 doesn’t support ANY usb-c video out except with that giant dock, which is ridiculous and stupid and a deal breaker if for example you travel and want to hook it up to hotel TVs

>>714720248
have you tried setting up a versus match with your friends?

>>714698649 (OP)
>Write a short, but detailed review about the pros and cons of the game
>No one gives a shit
>"uhm le you can pet le heckin cattarino!"
>+5000 updoots
It is not even about needing validation, it is that I just wanna know if my review helped someone decide to or not to make a purchase. I leave both positive and negative reviews. I tend to try to review every game I play, but I feel like it might be a waste of time.

>>714699073
Skyrim fanboys in a nutshell

>>714722031
>>714721721
Modern gamers are barely sentient and are not unlike locust

>>714721637
First of all I don't want to use the dock in the first place. Second of all if I do bring it and I break the cheap piece of shit plastic dock I now have to buy another 130 dollar dock just to get video output.
And for that reason I returned it and got my money back.

>>714698649 (OP)
People talk shit but I've never been particularly let down by steam reviews. They generally trend in if a game is quality or not. You just need to be sure to pay attention to a few things:
1. Did the devs do something to offend the Chinese recently? It might have mixed reviews but still be a good game.
2. Does the game require a high end PC (that you own) but a lot of people call the performance bad? Might be a good but unoptimized game YOU can still play.
3. Has the dev recently said something controversial on twitter that resulted in retards review bombing it?

Outside of those 3 instances steam reviews generally are pretty good telling you how good a game is or isn't. It is pretty rare that a game has bad steam reviews and is a great game (outside of offending the chinese), and it is also equally rare that a game has fantastic reviews and is just a piece of shit (though you may personally not enjoy it).

>>714699073
>finish meal
>tell waiter its unacceptable and you want a refund

>>714722031
Don't bother doing it with steam's review system. It's that kind of horrendous reddit/faceberg system that doesn't encourage actual discussion.

>>714717580
I understand anon, but make sure they actually went and made the changes. Had that hapen, and that game was basically just trying to salvage reputation, then claimed lack of funds and ended it all anyway a few months later.

>>714706086
There is no one more qualified to shit on a game than someone who has actually played it to completion. He did you a service by plumbing the depths of that cesspool to confirm that it is nothing but shit all the way down.

>negative review
>it's a guy who has a shit PC or is tech illiterate and has having trouble running it past the main menu

>>714722452
>food
every fucking time, every single fucking days
can't you use fucking objects like cars ? or a fucking album ? no, it's always fucking food
i can't tell if i'm looking at a fucking turd worlder always starving or a fucking obese fuck that can't stop thinking about food

>>714710446
>i don't experience it so it doesn't exist
good talk retard

>>714724661
>Humans universally for the entirety of their existence have needed food to live
>People, naturally, use it for analogies since it is genuinely universal
>UGH WOW CAN'T YOU COMPARE IT TO A 80s ANIME OR A SEINFIELD EPISODE?!?!?

>>714724661
>trying to fit in this hard
its not working however

>>714722452
hes talking about reviews, not refunds, retardo

>>714724661
>FOOD ANOLOGIES BAD BECUASE.. THEY JUST LE ARE OKAY???????????

>>714725084
considering the analogy doesn't work yes it is

>>714724661
food analogies are board culture, newfag

Metaphors and analogies are just bad. People only use them because they can't make a convincing point, they have to say "uh well erm, what if it was a totally different scenario with different expectations?". You could just argue the actual points of something rather than going "well a videogame is like a hamburger"

>>714722031
I always read the reviews but I'm not going to go back months later to vote it as helpful 2bh. It's basically a system to get your feelings off your chest. If you want people to say thanks you should write Steam guides

>>714725587
That's more of a problem with bad analogies than analogies in general, but yeah I agree it's better to just speak about the subject directly. Analogies can be helpful for explaining something to someone, but in an argument they're usually just a crutch from people who can't do any better.

>>714698649 (OP)
>Overall reviews: Very Positive
>Recent Reviews: Mixed
>Lots of negative Chinese reviews

>>714721867
Have you tried not being a smartass faggot?
>NOOO YOU HAVE TO PLAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE THE LE HECKIN NEWBIES BOUGHT THE GAME AND DESERVE TO PLAY!!! WHO CARES IF THEY DIE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE SAFEROOM AND CAN'T LAND ANY INFECTED ATTACKS, YOU'RE JUST BEING TOXIC!!!!
Kill yourself.

>>714724876
>>714725084
starving turd worlders

>>714724886
>>714725576
obese fucks

wew, turn out i was right, that's all there is here

>>714699073
Yep, everytime

>>714699462
we live in an age where everyone simply HAS to in the loop, life has become a series of wikipedia article bullet points where the joke is the fact that you understood that reference

>>714700274
>she

>>714726994
This is deep.

>0/10 you can't fuck *meme character*

>>714727078
Thanks buddy, you should see me when I'm trying

>>714726994
This is how subcultures died, and why the internet was killed.

>>714722051
huh? i have literally never seen such a thing

>>714726230
irony was a mistake

>>714727465
no it wasnt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwlG5lCV_IE

The entire internet is just becoming one huge Youtube comments section where updoots are everything. Places that should be friendly have become vicious, places that should have banter have become faggy hugboxes

>>714727612
I'm so fucking sick of hugboxes, not a single mainstream website isn't a censored hellhole filled with hugboxes, Indians and bots.

>check negative reviews
>they're almost all ESL

>>714727894
When did Nick Rocheford shave?

>>714706404
Post nose.

>>714722031
It does.
It's just that so much shit rises to the top, people actually going through serious reviews feel like the updooting is pointless and won't do anything anyway.

>>714721821
>a deal breaker if for example you travel and want to hook it up to hotel TVs
nigger the dock is a quarter total volume of a shoebox
Theres plenty of reasons to hate nintendo and the switch 2, you don't have to make uphorseshit