Why are Steamies so dehydrated and hate water?

Every EGS Chad I know has at least a full gallon jug on their desk, meanwhile Steamfags sip on energy drinks and act like they're dying after walking up one flight of stairs.

What is it about Steam that makes you all allergic to hydration?

Is there something about being tied to Valve's digital hellhole that physically repels hydration? Do you just love the taste of aspartame in your parched gamer mouth that much? Half a liter A DAY?! Jesus christ.