Hitler being back after the events of Half Life 2: Episode 2 further confirms he was always an ¨administrator¨ of the Combine all along, they used their highly advanced tech to bring him back to the future right before the Soviets and the Allies caught him in Berlin and his new task is to rebuild Europe as the president of whatever nation was born in the long gone Germany and to help the Combine to come back another time against the rebuilt America and their sworn enemies: The Mantis Men made by Cave Johnson who now rule the entirety of North America thanks to their sophisticated negotiating skills and the Aperture Science tech they brought along after making a deal with GladOS in exchange of never revealing the true location of Aperture HQ.
This is why Valve has been holding back HL3 since Gabe can see the future through his 5th dimension Source Engine plugin on his Steam Deck that he found 25 years ago on his research of secret alien technology the Nazis found and hid in the Artic after fleeing to Argentina after losing WWII and upon failure trying to reverse engineer it because of the concern of his team of destroying the device by accident or causing a chain reaction that could actually bring the Combine to our reality but after long years of research they managed to make a lesser copy of the main key features of the original and successfully recreating another less powerful version that they are now selling as the Steam Deck we all already know today.
This is why Valve has been holding back HL3 since Gabe can see the future through his 5th dimension Source Engine plugin on his Steam Deck that he found 25 years ago on his research of secret alien technology the Nazis found and hid in the Artic after fleeing to Argentina after losing WWII and upon failure trying to reverse engineer it because of the concern of his team of destroying the device by accident or causing a chain reaction that could actually bring the Combine to our reality but after long years of research they managed to make a lesser copy of the main key features of the original and successfully recreating another less powerful version that they are now selling as the Steam Deck we all already know today.
They are still researching the original and further updating the design which explains the several variations of the first known Steam Deck but chances of achieving a fully realized copy are unlikely since every time Gabe uses it it takes him to the fifth dimension and they both dispensary from just a few hours to entire weeks and it causes a huge restrain to Gabe's body because of the malnutrition since there is no food there and despite for him the sessions are not actually that long he still gets to pay with a tremendous amount of damage to his body and he also needs therapy to deal with some details so bad that he passes out just remembering, that's the reason he has gained some weight over the years, it is not because he got lazy with his lavish billionaire playboy lifestyle in fact is because he actually bulks all the time preparing for the next session and keeps the fat to be able to last more inside the fifth dimension to discover the secrets of the universe.
This is also the main reason why Freaky Gabe exists because sometimes at the research facilities his mind gets directly connected to the fifth dimension causing him to turn his skin purple and get crazy in an attempt to break to our reality but after a throughout research they found out that Gabe's unique body is able to contain the energy from the cracks between dimensions that he accidentally forms while documenting his discoveries while he still can maintain his ego, the best conjectures that the team has come up with are that it is a coping mechanism he subconsciously activates to keep the interdimentional being at bay or that the ¨information rot¨ caused by the interdimentional anomaly kicking in by Gabe by accident that causes his subconscious to forget about the dimensional link and disconnect him causing him to return back to normal, when he becomes Freaky Gabe he is highly aggressive and is forbidden for anyone to look him straight to his eyes since it can trigger a chain reaction that could also posses the other person and because strict safety measures of Valve's labs since nobody aside from Gabe is known to contain the menace and it is too dangerous to experiment with test subjects also because it can lead to ¨unforeseen consequences¨ so they have to be put down on sight.
In fact there has to be at least one high power weapon due to destroying the entire head the fastest possible is a must to prevent any chance of a successful possession and a highly possible world ending scenario because its impossible to know the true intentions of whoever or whatever is trying to enter to our dimension, it is a gruesome solution but its the best one and the fastest one they figure out since the ¨Barbecue Incident¨ of 2006 which was the first documented and also recorded appearance of Freaky Gabe when he suddenly transformed after feeling dizzy at one of his famous Sunday Barbecue parties with his family and friends but thankfully almost everyone ran away immediately since there was rumors of Gabe going through some ¨concerning episodes¨ he was dealing with in private and only a few selected therapists but no one was aware of his interdimentional exploration sessions or the secret alien-Nazi tech he was studying up to that point but besides from his family all the other guests who came in contact with Freaky Gabe were secretly and neatly ¨dealt with¨ shortly after to cut lose ends and his family has never talked about it ever since.
At first they were just going to bribe them and making them sign an NDA but then there came back reports of one guest becoming highly aggressive and irrational like if he was fighting inside his body and after physically attacking one guard he tased him but after several failed attempts and getting increasingly irrational and violent he had to put him down after shooting at him several times but failing to stop him only after several shots to the head with a .22 caliber pistol so they decided to prevent a potential leak and put all his family members on close inspection for several days and they ¨dealt with¨ the other guests due to it being much more convenient than letting them know Gabe's dark secrets.
>>715503151No spam bro, this is real. I prepared it in a txt file before posting and I have to post in in parts.
If some day you meet a Valve employee and they start to become evasive and kind of weird talking about about Half Life 3 not being released yet just remember all the horrors they have to live with at Valve's HQ only time can tell if they some day manage to release Half life 3 under the harsh conditions that years of secretive and paranormal activity have done to everyone around Gabe but on the bright side they have ran millions upon millions of hours of simulations and gameplay telemetry from their games to research about how to beat the Combine or any other interdimentional horror is lurking in the shadows of the universe and they are preparing us for the release of HL3 with a tease of their expansion in research with Half Life: Alyx which will really prepare us for the revelations of Gabe which will ascend humanity to the next level so we can hold up with what's to come.
hey man and this is gonna sting but you didn't land a single joke
the cave johnson one came close but it's too meandering and lolsorandom, very little setup and payoff just words for the sake of words
it's a good exercise though, but next time you really have to focus on your goals and punchline
>>715503814I wrote that in a rush of weed and no HL3 still being released.
it was funniest for the first 2 paragraphs. Couldn't be bothered to read the rest and it seems to just be filler. Heil Gaben
>>715503927Screencap this Anon, this manifest will be burned down by Valve the moemnt they find out.
Great another schizo thread just what we needed
>>715503925just work on it and yourself, man
i believe there's something good and bright in you
cultivate it
>>715504250What 16 year without HL3 does to a man.
how did we go from this to THIS????
>>715504565>>715504250So is this the ploy? Make AI look as bad as possible and destroy any place where independent thought can emerge by hypersaturating it with as much nonsense as possible? You don't gain anything from it and your delicate sentiments are clear as day as far as how (you) act upon it. Doesnt matter how bitter you are or how little you care. If you are unhappy, dump any and all truth you have into these places through all the means you can, and overtly.
