>>715617913I can't do those original posts justice, but, if he were here, Kaworu would provide the ultimate foil to this scenario.
Kaworu would either simply hold out the donut, possibly with his other hand in place to caress your cheek, making his intent unambiguous, or independently ask Shinji if he wants to eat a donut together and share a moment of intimacy, overriding, diffusing, and re-asserting comfort and security over Asuka's fabrication. And this is really the thing with Kaworu. We can't really say for sure whether or not Shinji/You are gay for this. Maybe, maybe not, but Kaworu would offer relief from the hell created by Rei's indifference, and Asuka's pretense of escape. Kaworu offers comfort and escape. Kaworu offers validation to both your earnest desire for intimacy that is denied by the others, and the sense of suspicion and despair the conditions of the others are laced with.
Which is also why it makes sense he's not here. If he were, Kaworu would break the through line of the impossibility of the task. Kaworu offers a donut and a kiss unconditionally; of course, the condition is risking being seen as (or possibly accepting) being gay. The barrier to participate inherent to the image would be eroded. Where Rei dismisses your existence, and Asuka never intends to follow up on the implication, both barring you from the fantasy and desire you hold, Kaworu would fully intend to, and even be eager to follow through. Kaworu subtly shifts the barrier between you and what's presented. With Rei & Asuka, the barrier is in front of you. You can reach out and touch it, even if it stops you. For Kaworu, the barrier encases you, and even more, gives you the key to break it. Human touch, intimacy, and joy can be yours. Your mouth could be full of delicious donut, cream, and soon after an intimate tongue. Unconditionally, without a trick, or indifference. Your cheek stroked, your insecurities comforted.
But will you accept what it means to acquiesce to this?