Thread 722942808

>girl coming over because she wants to "play mario kart or something"
>all i have is steam and two controllers
What do, /v/ros? She definitely doesn't play games btw

>>722942808 (OP)
Just download Dolphin and play Double Dash.
And if you want to get rid of her, download Dr. Robotnik's Ring Racers.

take a shower

Step 1: Wake up

>>722942808 (OP)
play fortnite, I think it's all the rage nowadays for zoomies like u

>>722942808 (OP)
Garden Warfare 3 fucking when

>>722943082
Step 2: Grab a brush and put on a little makeup

Mario Kart 64, Double Dash, Wii, or 8 Deluxe on an emulator

What are you, gay?

>>722942808 (OP)
Install God of War Ragnarok. Have sex when she becomes a better man.

>>722943450
he's right

>girl coming over
how do you trigger this event

>>722942808 (OP)
Emulate so you can try a bunch of different snes/n64 multiplayer and you have options if any don't hit the spot. Also see if there's some goofy low stakes co-op on sale on steam. And get a modest yet diverse snack spread

>>722943738
This right here is peak basedboy behavior

>>722943738
Following up, bonus points if you casually ask what they like to snack or drink on. Little gesture like that goes far

>>722942808 (OP)
A friend of mine once had a girl come over to watch the extended versions of the Lord of the Ring movies. That is like 9 hours.
Do you thing the girl gave a rat's ass about the movies, or that there was some obvious hidden motive for her to go to his house?
Think about it real hard.

>>722944036
not as far as splatoon condoms

>>722942808 (OP)
Quickly download GENSOU Skydrift, women historically love Touhou and you can teach her about the lore as you play.

>>722943654
play coop games on discord until some chick becomes obsessed with you and starts wanting to play all the time. Then you talk to her for a month or so and watch movies with her over VC and then she eventually comes over and you have lose your virginity and do the sex thing a couple times and then you tell her it isn't gonna work out cus you're just better off alone and you send her home and go back to jacking off to erotic VNs and random pics of sluts off reddit

>>722944170
Both can be true. Maybe she likes the movies overall but the battle scenes bore her so if you offered to help pass the time during Helm's Deep she wouldn't kick ya out of the house.

>>722943018
>>722943259
>>722943738
Not a bad idea to emulate actually. I was more thinking of finding a local MP game on steam

>>722943654
We met at university. She can be kind of abrasive and opinionated, so she has a hard time making friends sometimes. So she picked me and a couple of other loners and forced us to become a friend group. I feel bad for not contacting her for a long time so I want her to have a good time when she visits.

>>722942808 (OP)
get yo condoms nigga

>>722942808 (OP)
nice fanfiction retard

>girl asks to come over with the biggest sign saying she wants to fuck possible
>goes to /v/ to ask if he should download an emulator or something
Generational ball fumbling incoming

>>722943018
>Just download Dolphin and play Double Dash.
this

>>722943025
girls like gamer musk

>>722942808 (OP)
Oh man. It's a good thing you posted here, but you'll have to act fast, because you don't have a lot of time. What you're going to need to do is head over to your nearest grocer or other closely related fooderie, and buy a ten pound bag of baby carrots, and a large bottle of olive oil. Thoroughly saturate the entire bag of baby carrots with the olive oil; don't be afraid to basically dump the entire bottle in there. You'll probably want to find or buy a very large container for that part. After that, find yourself a large mirror or sufficiently reflective surface, and very carefully insert each baby carrot into your rectal cavity one by one. The olive oil will help lubricate the carrots upon entry. Now, you could obviously buy a bottle of lube, but I feel that the olive oil raises fewer questions when it comes to potentially nosy cashiers. Once you have as many baby carrots in your butt as your butt can handle, you can smugly walk the streets of your local town, fully content in the knowledge that your butt is filled to the brim with baby carrots. It'll just be your naughty little secret. The best part is, at the end of the day, when sitting over the toilet, you can fire them out of your butt one at a time, like a nerf gun.

>>722942808 (OP)
Tell her that if you'd like to tentacle rape her if you were an octopus

>>722945437
Even if it's a pretense you have to deliver on the pretense. If she wants to have fun then be ready for having fun no matter how it goes.

>>722942808 (OP)
take a shower
clean your dick good
and most importantly, jerk off a few hours before she comes over

>>722944170
Why do whores have to come with an excuse?
Everyone involved knows what the whore wants. Is she trying to convince herself that she's not whore #2568800451?

>>722945643
Don't jerk off retard, the bitch wants dick.

>>722945518
I don't believe you've got what it takes to go through with this if raised eyebrows from the cashier are a speed bump

>>722945748
underage detected

>>722943654
It's after you beat the secret boss fight you unlock on the sun. You do have the sword of helios with the heart of the sun gem....right?

>>722943082
last night i dreamed that i touched a woman (i have never done it in real life). what are some games for this feel

>>722945787
Yeah bro she totally wants to play video game at a man's house haha

>>722945921
don't reply to me underage

>>722945960
OMG I SAID UNDERAGE UNDERAGE UNDERAGE
MY DESTRUCTION SPELL CAUSES PHYSICAL PAIN TO YOUR PERSONAL SHELL IN REAL LIFE XDDDD

>>722945960
U ok little bro?

>>722942808 (OP)
She doesn’t want to play games. She wants to have sex.

>>722945921
I'll spoonfeed you lil bud
A common practice if you don't think you can last long during sex is to jack off a few hours beforehand first, that way you won't be as ridiculously horny and bust your nut 3 minutes in or worse, during foreplay.

>>722942808 (OP)
>GODS I OFFER YOU MY WIFE'S SON FOT A NINTENDO SWITCH AND MARIO KART

>THANKS GODS, THIS IS SO BIG CHUNGUS POGGERS

And then you can play Mario Kart with the woman.

>>722946265
noo anon you were supposed to let him keep samefagging

fitting captcha

OP here. You guys are imagining a lot more sexual chemistry between us than there actually is. We're university friends, but also polar opposites who probably wouldn't get along if we hung out too much. I'm a slob who loves being alone and playing vidya, she's a literal athlete who loves being active and talking about celebrities.

Also, this thread was supposed to be about steam games that you can play with normies

>>722944170
Idk man, the extended cut slaps pretty hard. Who wouldn't wanna watch it?

>>722946446
first day on 4chan?

>>722946446
she wants that thing in your pants, anon

>>722946265
Or you can be less retarded and take 1/4 of the pill.
You closeted faggots sure hate blowing a heavy load inside a bitch.

>>722942808 (OP)
play this, it's the best co op thing to play with a girl

>>722945921
Yes, this is a normal activity to do with your friends. Do you clap your homie's cheecks every time he comes over?

>>722946446
There is literally zero chance a girl you're supposedly not that close with would text you asking you to go over to your place, alone, to play "mario kart or something". This is not something that happens unless there is some kind of pretext that gets to what she actually wants.
Contrary to what dating app statistics say, women do have types. Consider yourself lucky.

So clean up yourself and the house, and in the 0.00000000000001% this is not a variation of netflix and chill, then you'll at least be showered.

>>722946850
yes
wanna come over?

>>722946446
I already said "goofy low stakes co-op on sale" earlier, what more you want? Rounds is cheap quick fun. Backseat Drivers. Uhhhhh Overcooked?

>>722947290
Overcooked 1 or 2? 1 is cheap right now
Backseat drivers is online coop btw.

none of this is real
op just wanted as many (You)s as possible on a lonely friday night
we've all been there

>>722947434
Ah, yeah I guess that game's core mechanic wouldn't work on splitscreen. Overcooked 1 is probably fine, 2 is more of the same but maybe more challenging, which isn't necessary for a casual gamer hang

>>722942808 (OP)
Quickly buy Sonic Racing Crossworlds

>>722945518
what if I slip on the olive oil and shit out the carrots by accident?

>>722947512
Even if that's true I like it better than most engagement bait. Proving minorities existed before obama or blackrock invented them or nitpicking sales numbers and whether bundles count as sales gets tiring after a few years

>>722946567
Obviously. All women want a man's wallet.

>>722947885
good one

>>722942808 (OP)
Why are you lying on the internet?

>having a university girl come over to hang out alone
Prepare yourself for the rape allegation OP

>>722948040
Same energy as people who describe public transit as a parade of addicts foaming at the mouth and urine puddles signalling they've only read about it secondhand from suburnan news outlets' misery fanfictions

>>722948206
thats how every bus is in new york though

>>722948246
I'm pulling from the Seattle experience. People outside Seattle want it to be the new york of their fantasies so badly.

>>722948206
The last time i got on the bus (in 2016) there was literally a black homeless man that had peed on the floor so everyone was avoiding that area

>>722944610
90% of discord chicks (not troons) are mentally ill of some kind

Ultimate chicken horse

>>722946719
tranny game lmao

>>722948396
At the same time I use public transit 2 ways 5 days a week and haven't actually encountered urine inside a vehicle

>>722948206
But that's also true. I take public transit daily in Seattle and it's brimming with fent heads arched over and yelling.

>>722948297
What are you in Fremont or Northgate? Try the 1 line and bus routes around downtown, cap hill, fucking international district amtrak/1 line area is literally filled with druggie homeless. If the bus line you take everyday is low traffic then consider yourself lucky, that's not the standard

>>722948854
Brimming is very generous. The few suffering people I encounter never hurt anyone and mostly want to be left alone because they can't afford a place where they're actually allowed to be alone.

>>722949009
I take the light rail from pioneer square to UW on the reg. The homeless people are pretty cool, I buy em stuff at the 7/11 or pass em a spare fiver now and then when they ask and they appreciate it. I've never seen them harm anyone.

>>722948565
Only fun with minimum of 4 players imo

>>722943183
Step 3: You wanted to.

i have never had a woman interested in me

>>722942808 (OP)
Introduce that bitch to Ring Racers 2.4 and see what happens.

>>722949405
This pic goes hard man, take pride in that. You made me save it.

>>722949405
same

>>722942808 (OP)
Whatever you do, do NOT bee yourself

>>722942808 (OP)
>not having a stache of multiplayer slop games on hand for when friends come over
get picrel or overcooked or ultimate chicken horse or stomething like that
if all else fails emulate a multiplayer game (mario party, mario kart)
and above all MAKE SURE IT ALL FUCKING WORKS BEFORE SHE GETS THERE. I was in your boat but thankfully had xbox gamepass which had loads of couch co op shit. Turns out the xbox controllers I hadn't touched in ages had loads of drift forcing me to buy a new one before she came over.

>>722945681
Yes. It's their only way to not blame themselves.
I managed to corner one and she stated she's still in love with her ex from 12 years ago and isn't going to string me along because I denied her sex twice, then had this big rejection text message of projection towards me, after I already called her a whore. What a sad individual.

>>722949405
same but im ok with that
i mean i would be fucking suspicious as hell if one did

>>722949925
Why didn't you just have sex with her and be done with it ?

>>722948410
yeah she had daddy issues, i mean it was fair why she did but still

>>722950557
sadly most people have some kinda parental issue

>>722950010
It felt like pity fucking my failed daughter, I didn't even find her physically attractive when she got naked due to her years of body dysphoria absolutely destroying any sort of toned figure her body could develop. (freaky looking tiny tits and a big, but mushy ass, no stomach but a large hanging flab)

All of this was fine at the start in the dark, but she didn't clean herself properly, or want her ass spread/anything near the anus because of her tiny hemorrhoid. Her pussy was rank and stretched by her sex toys, and she had a piss fetish because she tried pissing in my mouth when I was down on her, she clamped her mammoth thighs on the sides of my head and shoved my face hard into her rank squirtpuss.

I don't think she ever changed her sheets because you could smell faint piss when you opened her apartment door.

>>722946446
Just play Castle Crashers or something

>>722951058
ewwww

>>722943018
holy fuck
>uhhhh im supposed to install the rom
>okay its installed let me move it to the right folder
>fumbles around
>okay its there, should i unzip it or leave it like it is?
>dolphins up, lets start the rom
>cool it booted
>why isnt the start button working?
>uhhhhh
>configure, controls, uhhh i think this is the right profile?
>okay when i say the button can you press it?
>start button
>a button
>all buttons finally set for both controllers
>cool lets try it out
>haha, man uhhhh this is stuttering lets crazy
>let me change some graphic settings here...
>haha, sorry about all this
>why are you leaving?

>>722951597
if you're really this tech illiterate then stick to game n' watch pickup lines, kid

>>722951058
I DIDN'T NEED TO READ THIS.

>>722951597
>haha, man uhhhh this is stuttering lets crazy
how retarded do you have to be to have stuttering issues in fucking DOLPHIN

>>722951058
>or want her ass spread/anything near the anus
this is normal, why were you trying to tongue the anus of some nasty bitch?

>>722955883
Gotta see if what she said about her meal was correct.