I've done some horrible things
ive changed as a person since then in a positive way
but every once in a while i am reminded of my greatest sins and it hurts me dearly
how did you forgive yourself?

It is because you fear punishment, when kid you do a lot of shit and it make you laugh, like stealing, lying and even killing ( like animal ).
Then you grow up and it get serious you could get caught so you develop guilt and the pain associated with it, its a good survival behaviour so you don't get caught and you can stay free.

Dude this is fucking bullshit just start doing contemplation on impermanence twenty minutes a day and you will become dispassionate step by step.

I will never forgive myself for anything ever.

>>40509417
i do fear the punishment and repercussions
I've recognized that
still i just want to be able to look back upon it one day without the feelings of anxiety and depression

>>40509431
why?

Everything I do is always the correct thing by virtue of my having done it. Nothing to forgive myself for. In fact, everyone else is owed my forgiveness.

>>40509432
Yep but its need to hurt or you will start again that's why I think its some survival system.
I like to go through the process and tell me I would not do the same, it was a bad idea, people were taking advantage of me.

>>40509383 (OP)
By understanding that God made me to be a monster. I remember asking God to heal me of my disgusting thoughts when I was very young. It’s like god revels in watching me suffer. Everything thats happened as a result is God’s fault because he refused to heal me when I asked all them years ago. I’ll probably born in hell but that too will be God’s fault. I never asked to be born. Life isn’t a gift, it’s a curse. I’ve accepted jesus and all that bullshit but nothing in my life ever changed for the better. In fact it’s when I accepted Jesus that I lost my wife and kids. I simply don’t understand by God allows suffering, until it dawned on me, God is a sick bully that creates sadness and sorrow because he gets off on watching his creation cry in agony.

>>40509432
If you did horrible things you dont deserve to feel good.
I let my pet starve to death, I feel horrible about it and wont forgive myself for it because I deserve the pain. Stop being selfish and eat the pain

>>40509473
ok so ur retarded

>>40509425
Lol right because who cares if some vagueposting anon is maybe a serial rapist and/or killer surreptitiously confessing on 4chan

>>40509605
well Anon, who cares? Did you find out yet?

>>40509383 (OP)
I started saving ants that were trapped in my pond when I went swimming, and removing insects that were trapped in my house. That made a difference in how my soul views its interaction with this world, when I think of bad things I have done, I also think that I've saved hundreds of insects that would have otherwise died, and given life to tens if not hundreds of thousands of their descendants that would not have lived had I not acted. This also enhanced my psychic perception of life, when the universe saw my care for its creatures it gave me mental access to view and see life through my spiritual consciousness, and that increased my consciousness of nature.
"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
It is a process, but life isn't determined by a single event or action, or even a pattern of events and actions, its determined by the totality of all events and actions. You have challenges because they are issues in your soul that are meant to be faced. Life is a method for changing the nature of your soul over time, through action and contemplation.

>>40509583
You need to learn to use correct vocabulary. In this case you could call them "narcissistic" or "delusional".

>>40509383 (OP)
We can't change what we've done. All we can do is move forward and be better.

>>40509383 (OP)
>how did you forgive yourself?
I did not. I gave myself an excuse to go on despite my failures by using my chances to grow and do better.
Do better and the good you'll do maybe will ease some of the bad you regret.

Humans don't ever really overcome when they have acted monstrously
A lot of salvation is bringing the worst of you to God and asking for forgiveness because otherwise you really don't get through it without self loathing at the core of your being and thus death destructive tendencies
It is not a good thing to do even if you agree with it

>>40509383 (OP)

Penitence and discipline to reach virtue. There's no other way.

>>40509383 (OP)
How bad were the horrible things tho? Cause I can get what you're saying but only if you've done something truly reprehensible. Or you lost someone you cared about because of your attitude or actions