SHAMANIC ILLNESS
When Ordinary Suffering Isn’t Profound Enough
SYMPTOMS:
- Chronic Soul Fragmentation: Feeling like part of you is stuck in a 2012 Starbucks
- Ancestral Déjà Vu: Unexplained urges to talk to trees
- Spiritual WiFi Lag: Chakras buffer during meditation
- Third Eye Dryness: Can’t manifest beyond parking spots
- Sacred Exhaustion: Burnout from carrying Atlantis’ trauma

WESTERN SOLUTIONS (DON’T WORK):
Antidepressants muffle Spirit Guides. Therapy can’t fetch soul fragments. Yoga leaves aura calm but fragmented.

THE CURE: SPIRITUAL REALM DEVOTION THERAPY (SRDT)
1. Diagnostic Drumming: Shamans find soul fragments (last seen near 7th-grade trauma)
2. Prescription Mysticism: Daily rock conversations, ancestor veneration, herbal brews
3. Soul Glue Workshops: Shadow work with candles, spirit spouse management, professional lamentation

TESTIMONIALS:
“After SRDT, I channel a 5000-year-old Mesopotamian tax collector! My aura’s EtsyWitch approved.” – Karen
“Lost 3 soul fragments in my divorce. Got 2 back plus a fire elemental!” – Dave

WARNING: May cause disinterest in 401(k)s, distaste for fluorescent lighting, and past-life awakening as a Mongolian yak herder.

ENROLL NOW:
1-800-SHAMANIC
Operators are standing by in the spirit realm.

I hope the scada gets unfed to mildew, you destirminent Andrew.

>>40561702
Shut the fuck up schizo no one cares what you think

>>40561676 (OP)
Looks like I got the illness
Pray for me, bros

>>40561676 (OP)
So how do I fix it?

>>40564265
You don’t