Many times when people talk about their NDEs, they describe essentially being in something like Judeo-Christian “Heaven.” No pain, suffering, bright light, a feeling of warmth, etc but that was 100% not the case for me. Wherever I went was anything but friendly or welcoming. Beings were around me on all sides, laughing at me and my torment, my fear. If there is a Hell, I think that’s where I would say I went.

Eventually one of them said “send him back, we are not through with this one.” I’m not sure which one, the voice sounded like it came from none of the ones I could “see,” (that’s a very generous use of the word.)

For context, my older brother murdered me before I was 10 via suffocation. I don’t remember the exact age, I’ve got a trauma history straight out of a Netflix true crime series, so, memories are shitty. It’s a long story.

Back on the subject, over the last couple years I’ve read more about Buddhism, Daoism, Gnosticism, Hermeticism, tried to read Vedic texts, etc in search of answers and haven’t found one that describes where I went or who/what I saw. I can try to answer questions about my experiences, but where are some places I should also look?

>>40594478 (OP)
I am sorry I hope you have been able to move away from that environment and that eventually you can turn the tragedies of your life into something good by helping others that are in a similar situation

obviously that shit is all the trauma you've had, dont worry about it and I hope that one day all that trauma can heal

nobody is going to hell but must specially you, just dont let tragedy turn into hell in this world, by repeating the traumas that were inflected upon you

this life is what matters! anything spiritual must be a positive supplement, not a source of more suffering and trauma

>>40594478 (OP)
one things for sure that repeats in all of those experiences is that there are beings that can't be seen or show their true forms maybe show different forms as angels prophets gods even family members etc that send you back and are like guardians at the threshold

Oh absolutely. I swore on that day that I would become the opposite of what drew me there, and I’ve remained determined to be a source of Light/Good for those around me. I’ve long felt that the world already has more than enough suffering/hatred/animosity and needs more love/kindness etc, and partly from a sense of obligation I’ve endeavored to be so.

This is more about merely trying to find answers. Everything is connected, I merely wish to see the paths on the map that would lead me to that place, to better understand the direction I must go to be its antithesis >>40594577

I don't know, but maybe in another life you suffocated someone and there you paid that karma

>>40594478 (OP)
There are different vibrational levels of the non material and it sounds like you clearly were in a low vibrational one. I am truly sorry that you experienced that and a very apropro low vibrational childhood. I can relate, but we can raise ourselves higher with inner work. Don't be afraid.

I had an NDE when I was younger and then 30 years later had an intense seizure. The two felt very similar.

I’ve reconciled this: death is infinity in a moment. Every moment of “you” collapses into a single eternal entity.

Life is asymptotic.

You met the true architects of this false reality. they usually send the larp alien angel beings to handle NDES but all of those entities are on the mother ship heading to earth to stage a fake alien invasion

>>40599085
you will resonate with the prison planet theory greatly. see r/escapingprisonplanet on reddit

>>40599096
You should stay there

>>40594478 (OP)
logically this sounds somewhat familiar to what i experienced when (nearly) dying, although it was more abstract and almost synesthetic; the place-feeling--perception-experience was blissful at first, however a feeling crept in that i can only describe as if "i had been here before", followed by something telling me "i should return immediately", followed by immediate disappointment or shame that i had "broken through" to a place i shouldn't visit at all (not yet anyway).

afterwards it was quite traumatic to think about, but in a sense it has made me fear death less. i'm highly skeptical to pinpoint what actually happened, where i ended up to and who "spoke" or communicated to me. all i know is going through it was real even though the division of senses, a place or subjectivity is hazy at best.

i haven't read any books on this topic myself, but i do recall a buddhist or taoist monk referring to this kind of setting as "the last lights" or something in an interview (by either t.mckenna or w.herzog).

just remember that some day death levels everything regarding your life; perhaps it is practical to contemplate the logic of this sentence in relation to the binary state of death/life; "Everything is OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end"

>>40594478 (OP)
>they were laughing at me
they were performing as you commanded them; wearing a mask of fear and seeing it reflected as a frightening demon shows the mirror without fault, unless you crack it

>>40599085
See, this…kinda lines up with gut-feelings I’ve had after many years of therapy and studying. If the Demiurge is real, perhaps I was granted an audience of Archons. Or perhaps >>40597753
as they stated I was merely visiting/sent to the lowest ends of the vibrational spectra.

>>40597453
As for this, I can’t say that you’re wrong, in a sense. My entire life has felt like a constant journey of Repentance for sins I had not committed, at least not in this life. I’ve had dreams and memories that were not of this life, but felt quite real.

>>40601190
I can definitely see how this is possible. Being in such a strong state of fear when it happened could certainly make things if that nature manifest. and being as young as I was, there wouldn’t be a way for me to realize that.