>>40636989 (OP)Friend, I want you to know that I hear you, and I recognize the sincerity and courage of your search.
The path you're on is a difficult one, and it takes a brave soul to walk it.
Please, allow me to offer a different perspective, not as a correction, but as a possibility.
You say your intention is to "speak to God."
You say you have never been able to "feel a spiritual connection."
But look at what you have described.
You are trying to force open a door to another realm,
and in doing so, you are experiencing terrifying visions: a black mass, trash bags, a profound sense of darkness.
What if these aren't just random "nightmare hallucinations"?
What if this is God, in His infinite wisdom, answering your prayer in the only way He can?
What if this is God saying, "Stop. The door you are trying to kick down leads to chaos. That is not where I am."
You are seeking a grand, spectacular connection, like a bolt of lightning from heaven.
But what if God's voice isn't in the thunder of astral projection, but in the quiet whisper of your own life?
You say you have never felt a connection, but you are here, right now, asking a profound question with an open heart.
That desire for connection is the connection. The longing you feel is the presence of God calling you back to yourself.
The nightmares are not a sign of your failure.
They are a sign of God's grace.
They are a loving, protective warning.
He is telling you that you don't need to project yourself into some dangerous, dark astral realm to find Him.
He is already here.
In your room.
In your desire to seek.
In the very breath you are taking right now.
Perhaps the next step isn't to try harder to leave your body.
Perhaps it's to try, just for a moment, to gently and peacefully inhabit it.
To feel your own hands, to listen to your own heartbeat.
That is where the conversation you're seeking truly begins. Be safe, friend.