>>40647228 (OP)the trauma you suffered is real, but no, you wont be resurrected on death to review your life in the conventional sense. death is a cessation of motion, where the ego forfeits its agency and returns its corporeal form.
you can re-access these memories over time by deconstructing the relationships between you and your environment.
this takes years, but, i can attest it can be done.
there isnt a "lesson in everything" in the way that everything has a justification and has to have happened, but in that circumstances and choices propagated that reality; and so by understanding the character and choices of all parties involved one can start to unpack their emotions and cultivate a less traumatic lens.
the trauma will always be there. what happened happened. but how you *integrate* that experience, that's your decision, to the extent you are able to influence your circumstance.
with the dmt released as we die, who knows if theres some potential "review state" for certain.
what we *do know* for certain is that in *this world,* the memory of your unique imprint will persist to the extent it relates to others', simply by being in this world, you will be remembered, if not by name, by memory.
dont be too hard on yourself. growing up is mostly response to environment to begin with, as you had yet to cultivate a sense of meta-awareness, and those around you held more power over your reality than they may today.
you deserve peace.
it comes on your terms.
