>>40682169 (OP)NGL anons, lust isn't my only problem. I have technically also committed a sexually immoral act that god views as abominable
While I am a virgin physically, I am a severe porn addict since I was a tween. And in that time I have seen a lot of things.
Recently I have been masturbating more frequently, doing things like masturbating 3 times a day which I haven't done before.
Whenever it feels like I am a clean streak I end up encountering a woman that gives me flashbacks and makes me lust for her. Now of course I won't court her but when I get home I need a way to get rid of that energy and often I fall back on porn to alleviate myself.
And man these past few days I feel like I've lost the plot. I no longer read the bible as much as I used to but now I feel so vengeful.
It doesn't help that I've been consuming media that fuels that kind of emotion, but these past few days I've gotten restless like I just hate mankind so much and just want to see them be destroyed.
Then I remember that on the second coming the Lord will do just that. Destroy the wicked.
It probably doesn't help my case that not only am I a porn addict, but a literal paraphiliac degenerate.
Sometimes I feel like God is ignoring me because of a curse that has been afflicted on me either by something I unknowingly did, or something my ancestors have done.