>>40700758 (OP)Live life pragmatically. If it’s not going to help you, don’t seek it and that includes spiritual knowledge. You could be imbued with all the secrets of the universe and you’ll still have to go to work tomorrow. Just accept that some things are unanswerable and believe whatever you want to believe as long as it helps you in some way.
I have just blessed you with the total culmination of 5,000 years of human spiritual development. Anything else is useless and will undoubtedly lead you to the same conclusion I just spelled out, after lots of wasted effort.