Anonymous
7/15/2025, 12:32:45 PM No.40728553
I'm a straight autistic introvert and I don't really care about people, my only motivation for socializing when younger was my ego and my libido. Now a NEET in my 30s, I have no friends and generally no emotional reaction when I see other human beings, except lust when seeing certain women. I feel very uncomfortable when someone else is even looking at me, anxious when I see someone walking towards me outside, and then relief once there is nobody in my line of sight again. The only exception to is, again, women I find attractive, only then I can reciprocate eye contact and smiling, cause it feels very intimate, almost sexual, not something I can just do with random people. I try looking into the eyes of animals but I don't feel any connection, doesn't seem like they do either. I never had any pets and wouldn't want to, same with children obviously.
However, I find that I feel wildly happy just being around an abundance of leaves and flowers, I gaze in awe at trees and plants, their leafy canopies and individual leaves. This is why I go outside, to be around the trees leaves and flowers, not to be around people, the joy and bliss of the former is worth it. I had this epiphany while in a park today, after I sat down at a bench with my lunch in what was a vacant area, and then lots of people started passing right in front of me and others talking loudly within earshot. This used to make me feel unbearably awkward and go find somewhere else to sit, but today I felt like I could just tune out everything and looked around at the variety of trees in my direct view, all lush and green. Somehow I never had the realization before, but it was so obvious today experiencing the contrast of feeling totally alienated from humanity, but special kinship the plants. Part of this important moment was also knowing that I was never "alone" when enjoyng solo time outdoors as I had conceived of that concept, but spiritually communing with the flora in ways my mind cannot comprehend.
However, I find that I feel wildly happy just being around an abundance of leaves and flowers, I gaze in awe at trees and plants, their leafy canopies and individual leaves. This is why I go outside, to be around the trees leaves and flowers, not to be around people, the joy and bliss of the former is worth it. I had this epiphany while in a park today, after I sat down at a bench with my lunch in what was a vacant area, and then lots of people started passing right in front of me and others talking loudly within earshot. This used to make me feel unbearably awkward and go find somewhere else to sit, but today I felt like I could just tune out everything and looked around at the variety of trees in my direct view, all lush and green. Somehow I never had the realization before, but it was so obvious today experiencing the contrast of feeling totally alienated from humanity, but special kinship the plants. Part of this important moment was also knowing that I was never "alone" when enjoyng solo time outdoors as I had conceived of that concept, but spiritually communing with the flora in ways my mind cannot comprehend.
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