Hello :) Consider this a microblog of sorts. I wanted to inscribe my thoughts somewhere where the tides will wash it away and will have no hope for reaching those my heart has claimed as dear.

Ever since I was born, my schizophrenic father insisted that I was the reincarnation of the Mother Mary. One day, I would give birth to Jesus. All of those sorts of thoughts.

I have always considered myself to be incapable of hate - I am simply unable to feel it. But his insisting upon it made me feel like nothing more than a doll, a slave to be used by a God that I didn't believe in.

After his episode was 'over', for the most part, he told me that everyone has a little piece of God within them that makes it possible so that they can create the world they please. That piece of God is your soul.

I have decided to reclaim my soul. I feel more connected to Mary now, though I do not believe I ever was her. My body is virginal, and I am purifying my soul every day.

I do not seek love, my body repels those with evil and impure energies so that they are expelled from my life, incapable of sullying me.

This higher state of being, being an unobtainable woman, makes it difficult, however, to find a man just as maddened by knowledge as I am.

It is a lonely existence. Every day I pray to my higher state of self to show me the right path, for someone to meld my heart unto, but all I get is pain. I suppose I must learn these lessons before I become "perfect" - as perfect as a human can get. I'm only as divine as a sinner, after all.

>>40750579 (OP)
We had an identical upbringing. My relief is in pretending that my schizo father is the richest patron of the arts and commissioned all the music and paintings that give me goosebumps. Goosebumps and dread being the last two senses I can perceive means we will find eachother out there in the aether when it's our time little sister

>>40750598
I am fortunate, the man who's lust brought me life was expelled from this iteration of Earth when disease ran rampant (Covid, though he did not die from it).

It makes me feel so soon & blessed to find someone with similar experiences in this place. May you find short term calm before the eternal peace.

>>40750634
When mine took the killshot jab he didnt die but he became a stooge for the radio towers. Remind yours that you miss him and the conviction in his eyes will hint of how much time we still have to make serenity at home.

>>40750686
You are darling. His tomb is far from my new home, I fear,, but this year when I go I will tell him all I have ever thought.

***

I'm both fearful and excited for the day my resentment turns to grief. I did not cry back then because I was an elderly child and felt myself need to be strong for his other children. Now I have grown into a childish woman, an Ingenue with an aimless vision.

I think I will find my path very soon.

>>40750579 (OP)

You're not Mary because the second coming of Yehoshu'a was already born in 1995. He's already out there.

>>40750746
I no longer struggle with believing I am, she is not my duty to serve.

Your reality is yours to live in.

>>40750775
Your reality is yours to live in, and you can be "certain" if you want. I'm just telling you the fact that he was already born in 1995. I don't know what entity you're gonna give birth to but it's not who you "know" it will be.