At this point all I like is >bartending (and the idea of opening my own bar)
>personal training and yoga
>writing
>traveling.

I love comparative mythology, spirituality, the occult, and anything esoteric. I had a NDE recently which has shaken my faith in myself. I was chasing vanity and wealth before. But no longer. I’ve stopped modeling as of a month ago. And I’ve given up acting. I wanna be real going forward. I want to connect with and help people. But I need to get a hold of my depressive suicidal destructive tendencies. I’m losing hope.

>>40760293 (OP)
>4-Rabbit (Mayan Calendar)

Running a bar would be a good career for you.

>>40760541
https://www.azteccalendar.com/?day=18&month=11&year=1997

In Mexica mythology, the Centzon Tōtōchtin (Nahuatl pronunciation: [sent͡son toːˈtoːt͡ʃtin] "four-hundred rabbits"; also Centzontōtōchtin) are a group of divine rabbits who meet for frequent drunken parties. They include Tepoztecatl, Texcatzonatl, Colhuatzincatl, Macuiltochtli ("five-rabbit"), and Ometochtli ("two-rabbit"). Their parents are Patecatl and Mayahuelband they may be brothers of Ixtlilton.

>>40760293 (OP)
>vertex in the 8th house
You can probably Vulcan mind-meld with people.

In all seriousness, your chart is kind of nice because you’re capable of doing a lot of different things. You’re cutout to be a guru/ a teacher of the occult. Your main goal in life should be to join a group effort and change the world for the better. Your Chiron in Scorpio is fucking you in the ass. The vertex and your sun and ascendant don’t make your cure t troubles easier. You’re basically going into nigredo now. You started your Saturn return. Buck up and buckle up because this is your time to suffer and learn who you really are. Be prepared to hit rock bottom. If you don’t kys you’ll laugh about this when you’re 40. This is a time in your life when you need to learn discipline, assert yourself and actually cut your way to a place where you’re independent and know yourself. That modeling gig? Not for you. Acting? Nope. Being real? Yeah. Do that. You’re on the right path. Your Saturn is kicking your ass. Build a routine. Your saturn is in the 6th house and a routine will make you feel better. Yoga and exercise will help. You’ve been through some shit, learn what you can from the NDE and write about it or use it to be a healer. Pace yourself, the Saturn return wants to kick your ass, let it teach you but don’t let it devour you either, pace yourself. You’ll go through some shitty days. Try to accomplish one thing a day that further develops who you really want to be authentically. And don’t put off the occult. The occult will probably be your job someday. Learn everything you can: LHP, RHP, hermeticism, Sufi, daoism, Tibetan tantric shit, chaos magic, anything and everything. Good luck.

https://youtu.be/6IDT3MpSCKI

>>40760541
>>40760575
>>40760596
Super interesting, thank you! As a bartender and occasional bouncer I love being able to connect to so many people and have that sense of community. After my NDE, I was thinking about how I’ve taken it for granted a lot. It lets me get my attention but in a healthier more helpful way. I’ve learned I really do care a lot about community and culture dynamics.
>>40761036
Thank you so so much, this really helps a lot!! I’d say I definitely have feelings about people that usually are true. And I’ve always had a hyper awareness of people’s emotions/intentions. But anyway yeah I definitely feel the pull to doing something that’s group focused/social/philanthropic. I’ve over the past year realized all the trauma I faced as a kid, both the stuff that I can remember and everything else, really has affected me far more than I thought. I’m tired of it taking away from my potential and accomplishments by making me so self destructive and indulgent. Absolutely gonna refocus and get things aligned moving forward. But I am indeed a bit nervous about using the occult anymore short of prayer and meditation. I won’t go too much into it but the past year I was using magic non stop and got a warning from my grandmother in a dream to chill and to be a better person as a focus. I think it’s because I was using it for personal gain. It worked but it was taking away from me in other ways. I was starting to use magic again the day of the NDE. But I feel such a strong pull to the study of occult and theological practices.