Hey /aco/, I wrote a monster-fucker novel about a guy with a tiny penis who gets cursed by a witch so his penis grows with each new partner. His actions inadvertently lead to a demi-goddess trying to to take over their plane of existence.

I put a lot of work into this thing. It's like 340 pages after the third edit. I even got it professional edited and proofread. I seriously doubt an agent would take this on, so I'm trying to figure out the best way to publish it.

I was thinking of self-publishing on Amazon, but that seems like a headache. I could make a site and readers can pay what they like to read it.

I has 14 chapters, and each one has at least one sex scene and could almost stand alone as a short story.

Anyway, I'm open to advice and suggestions, and here are some pics that inspired some scenes I'm the book.

There's a goblin support character named Blini who is, of course, sexy and sassy but more wise than she lets on.

Naga. I got inspired by a scene from Monster Musume.

There's a giantess, though it ended up being wildly different from this.

Witches and goddesses and queens and druids and assassins and political intrigue. Good times.

Mushroom mama

Anyway, that's just some of it. Post your own sexy monsters or fantasy characters. Feel free to drop any suggestions or ask questions.

>>8851240 (OP)
>I seriously doubt an agent would take this on, so I'm trying to figure out the best way to publish it.
Self-publish on Amazon. It's the best way for independent writers without trying to convince a publishing house to take a shot.

>>8851327
Does that happen often? A publisher scoops up an Amazon writer?

>>8851664
Sometimes yeah.

>>8851240 (OP)
Anywhere we can read a preview? I'm not going to pay for it if it's the level of "wabloo swabloo"

>>8851920
Haha, sure. I'm making a site right now. I'll link chapter 1 here shortly.

Here's chapter 1:

tinyurl dot com slash bddww5dn

Also, I'm thinking of just posting it in a pay-what-you-want format. It's not art, but if people feel like they had a good time, they can tip me if they want.

>>8852015
try itch.io for that kinda shit i guess

>>8852010
>tinyurl dot com slash bddww5dn
Your sample isn't terrible, but it's light on conflict or menace or > MTV porn. No corpses, robots, or space aliens. The early threat of religion seems to have been gingerbread, fortunately. 6* out of 10*, might pay something, if I were short on things to read.

>>8852137
Fair enough. The pacing is on a novel level; chapter 1 and 2 are meant to establish the protagonists. The overarching conflict becomes apparent by chapters 3 and 4. Maybe I should group those as the sample instead.

It's a legitimate issue I should address in the introduction.

How many monster girls does the protag get in his harem give or take?

>>8852565
Chapters 1 and 2, along with establishing the protagonists, should also throw out lots of hooks, to make the reader feel a need to keep reading. That's my $0.02.

>>8853549
6 plus some non-monsters

>>8854189
I'm hoping the protagonist fucking an exiled witch and getting tricked into having his dick cursed helps. Kinda relying on it.

>>8854681

How many altogether?

>>8854753
I think there are 17 or 18 sex scenes in 17 chapters. Other characters get some action too, including a naive monk and a landsknecht.

I'll tell you what, if anyone wants me to send you the link when the site is live, send me an email.

jtmassif at Gmail dot com

>>8851240 (OP)
There's also the web novel route. Post it on Royal road if you want to causally continue it eventually.

>>8854687
Good luck with this, anyway!

>>8855500
web novels are kind of cringe thoughever

>>8851240 (OP)
I'll take a read, Anon. After work.

>>8859458
what'd you think of it?

>>8860117
The first time you use Jami's name should probably not include his title, since it's a fairly uncommon one. Easily mistaken as part of his name. Then again, you might be British where it's more common or something.

>"As such, local lords >have< bought into the idea".
You have a tense mix-up in the second paragraph.

>"The common folk welcomed the prosperity and tolerated the taxation, though bandits and rumors of encroaching beasts did not."
This sentence is strange in that subjects of the latter half are the bandits and the _rumors_. Indicating that the rumors do not welcome the prosperity and tolerate the taxation.

Finding out that our priest is younger than 20 seems strange. Saying that they both remember something is strange. It's strange that they'd be awaiting the wedding celebration and not the announcement of an engagement. It feels like that's skipping some steps. Your verbiage of "entertaining young women" is at conflict with the fact that you're saying he's being distracted from... finding a woman. Like, you should use some stronger language there to indicate that these women are not the kind that would be suitable to fulfill role of being his wife. Additionally, it's so _dry_. It's all matter-of-fact. This is Jami's childhood friend, but we get NO insight into how he feels about his friend's... wayward status. He should have 2-3 opinions on this. One as a the man's friend, one as the man's former friend, and one as a priest. So maybe something like this.

>>8860662
"... the village eagerly waited to see some belle on his arm about town, and rumored constantly which lass it might be. Jami had heard less savory ones however, the whispered envies and consternations of the faithful. Deston had been spotted in shady dens with the kind of women non rumored for marriage. He didn't want to believe it, but he worried his friend was indulging in the very vices a respectable member of the church should not. He felt he should say something, should offer help and aid, but he held back. They had drifted too far apart, and he wasn't sure this man was still that stalwart boy he'd once known."

You can then have Jami smile awkwardly, playing into the earlier nervousness and contrast his internal beliefs against his attempts at professionalism as a priest. For such an important person to Jami, we get very little of his thoughts on the rumors that could destroy Deston and his father. Tying in the clothing as some condemnation of his character would work better, too, if it wasn't all so clinical.

Additionally, it's weird that Jami's first thoughts with Deston are the "chasing games", but then he says to Deston that he "prefers reminiscing on the flowing deer". Either his first memory should be about the part he preferred or there should be some comment on that contrast.

I've got more, but it's taking me time to get my thoughts out and type it up. And work calls again.

When Deston recognizes Jami, there's a couple details I'd bring up. It's stated that they've not seen each other in YEARS, but Deston recognizes him immediately. You'd be amazed how much peoples' faces change from ages 12 -> 20. Especially if you're trying to paint Deston as a carefree and reckless guy, it might be better to have him not recognize him immediately. Perhaps taking a moment and a double take. Alternatively, this could be a great opportunity to highlight his virtue. Have Deston be the one to recognize Jami first. Why? Because Jami is an introvert and quiet guy who prefers flowers and birds to people. Additionally, it gives Deston a positive character trait and explains how he's the kind that people go around and rumor about who he'll marry. He's charismatic and remembers people. One of those fundamental rules of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" Beyond that, I'd argue that "You would." is a great, if incomplete moment of characterization. Deston's comment could be taken several different ways. Without some description of Deston's action, it's an incomplete moment, as we don't have enough information to surmise his tone. And if Jami's reaction is to that part, it feels incongruent. So I THINK his reaction is about the question of Anderon.

(Cut because post restrictions. Will put in next post.)

After the paragraph full of unfamiliar terms, we're thrown back into the strangely curt descriptions of Deston. "No. Is this your first time giving it?" seems to be taken as rude by Jami, based on his mouth tightening. But we don't really "see" any thing from Deston to indicate such. It could be light ribbing of an old friend or it could be a simple observation. By refusing to characterize Deston _actually_ being rude, we're left to try and infer it, and it comes off as Jami being way too sensitive, since nothing he's said is particularly egregious.

(Describing the Paragraph for High Votary Anderon.)

This was a point that I was letting slide to some degree, but you're throwing out a lot of places and names without context. Deston calls him "Votary Anderon" and Jami says "High Votary Anderon." Is that a recent promotion? That Deston wasn't using his proper title and Jam is correcting him? The capitalization of Commission would seem to indicate that there's some meaning beyond the normal use of the word, but we have no description. Queen Katerine Granit has no context. It'd be more appropriate to refer to her as "her majesty". She is more than a mere Lady of the nobility. As for the "guerre d'errance", I'm not particularly sure what that's supposed to translate to. The best I've got is "War of Wandering". To complete the point, there's also "Vauvria, "Ilora", the "Southwest Marches", and "Saint Morrigan" (based on the fact it's a fictional realm, I suspect you're not referring to a real Saint). We're getting a bit deep here for how little context we have. Even Deston and his family's wealth, which seems to be a fairly big motivator for the man, seems to be mostly handwaved away. I'm not sure where the story takes us, but having a greater description of the town will either help us to establish the setting where our story takes place or help us to miss it when we must leave. We know that Pinegate is on a trade route, it has a church, the roads recently got cleaned up, and there's a textile merchant. Are the textiles from Pinegate? Does Deston's father handle the transportation from the middle point of Pinegate? Does he own a textile mill? You could play into the supposed goodwill that has people rumormongering about his son's marriage prospects and drop a line like "He (Deston's father) collected the wool and cloth of a dozen villages across the route, paying handsomely the farmers and spinsters that supplied him. Where he went, wealth followed, and praise or cheers were never far when his name was spoken."

>>8861274
Alternatively, really sell us on why Deston says, "This tiny world my father's set up for me.". You could also use that to lead into the idea of the rumors about Deston being false and born of envy.

"Though few liked him, it was his gold that paid the wages of the village's women, seamstresses all at his textile mill. Though he stood beyond reproach in the eyes of the church, and thus Jami's, the village men did not speak so fondly of him when they gathered in the local tavern."

Continuing from the point of Deston and the weirdness of the interactions, I like Jami's backhanded remark about "sobriety and poise", but then they both smile? What in-joke could they possibly be sharing a smile over, if they haven't seen each other in years?

I do appreciate the description of what a votary does. Considering it's an uncommon word where I'm at, the description helps.

Having Deston search the masonry is good, but give us a bit more of the body language. Instead of "Any of what?", give us Jami's surprise and confusion.

Deston's conflict here seems to lack the punch you intend it to. As far as has been said, Deston isn't courting anyone nor engaged. So we're skipping steps and it makes this whole confession feel weightless. His dad may WANT him to get married, but there is no impending threat. So why this freakout now?

"They sat in silence for a moment, processing their revelation." Is this a revelation to Deston? He seems to have come here to talk about explicitly this. It feels like it should be part of Jami's paragraph and about _his_ revelation specifically.

Wait... DESTON is our main character? We have so little of his thoughts that I thought he was a side character. Everything I've said up to this point about characterization goes TWICE as hard.

>>8861301
I'm going to be honest that this whole introduction feels really weak. We learn so much more about Jami thatn we do Deston. Until this point, I just thought he was a poorly characterized side character and that our story was going to focus on a priest getting dragged out into the wilds by monster girls. Instead, we're supposed to be in the mind of the Deston, but I have remarkably little characterization to inform his decisions.

Coming back to this moment, rather than rehashing all of my old critique with emphasis... Having him just... outright _state_ he has a pathetic small dick is comedic in a trashy way. And I think it goes back to the non-verbal characterization. That old Keaton movie "Johnny Dangerously" does a similar joke where his younger brother threatens to throw away his college education to get married and start a family because he's just so horny. There are some key differences. We believe that Johnny and his brother will share these kinds of intimate conversations. Deston has expressed doubt in Jami's ability to do his priestly duties. So it feels out of place to have him express something so vulnerable so quickly. Additionally, there's a lot of nervousness in Johnny's brother. He's anxious and sweating, we get the idea of his need being played up to 11 for the laughs of a comedy movie. Here, we get "He searched the masonry" and then we just have him YELL it. Have him be nervous. Have him twist and wrinkle those nice clothes you mentioned. Have Deston try to flip-flop on it _before_ yelling.

"I don't want to get married."
"So you're frustrated with your station?"
"How could I make such a big decision? He wants me married soon."
"Perhaps talk to him?"
"I just... it's not that simple."
"Why not...?"
"I mean, there's so many nice girls in our village. And what about neighboring villages? How do I know I won't meet my soulmate right after I get married?"

Have him try to do everything BUT admit it first.

>>8860662

These are excellent notes. Thanks anon!

I do need to go through the first few chapters again. It's been a long time since I actually wrote them.

Shoot me an email or request comment rights if you want to chat more.

>>8861312
tl;dr?

>>8863002
The man character's characterization is weak to the point that I confused a side character for the main character. I won't like; it struggles. That being said, he clearly cares and there's a core of effort and discipline to the craft that speaks to wanting to make something great. Time will tell if he can smooth out the roughness and pull it out. I'm not sure he can, but I'm willing to give him two chapters of review to see if he can.

>>8863189
>>8863002
Photo Anon is giving some excellent insight. I've given access to the rest of the manuscript because it should make the choices in perspective regarding the weak main character in the first chapter clear. For example, he's actually just the main character of one plot line that converges with the other perspective character's plot line. One conflict causes the other, and later they affect one another.

I know that sounds complicated and contrived, but I think I pulled it off. The first chapter in definitely non-traditional, though it begins to clear up the second half.

>>8863711
ok that makes sense

>>8863189
>>8863711
I can get into it

>>8851240 (OP)
Self publish on Amazon. Go to the eroticauthors sub on Reddit for all the info.