yes this is a serious thread, when I let out a fart its so loud you can heart it in another room with a closed door between them so I`m afraid of going out and doing stuff because of that, like if I was eating at a restaurant and had to fart the whole restaurant would hear it, same with flying, taking a taxi, anything really.. so I just stay home always

Last semester there was this one guy I would categorize as a normalfag--I saw him walking in the halls with his girlfriend--and he ripped ass while we were taking an exam and it was dead quiet. He tried to hide it by coughing first, but he was to slow on the draw.

Do you shave/rip off your asshairs? Your asshairs help muffle the sound of you sharting yourself. The smell is a question of how strong your perfume is. It's a bad idea to wear beige pants and shart, trust me.

>>33202416
girls have hairless butts and somehow know how to always fart silently ?

>>33202421
I hope you don't actually believe this lole. That's just in pornos.

Just be yourself and let it rip. Welcome back, King Ass Ripper.

>>33202361 (OP)
Slow and easy

>>33202361 (OP)
Stop shaving your ass.

You really don't go outside and do stuff because you're worried you'll fart and get embarrassed? No one cares man it's just a fart everyone farts. Someone will hear your monstrously loud ass and maybe chuckle then swiftly forget about it and move on with their life it does not affect you at all.

>>33202361 (OP)
open your legs
relax
let it out
if despite that it still sounds, put your cheeks appart with your hands
the sound comes from the gas having to open itself some space, so try not to clench your but too hard when you fart
also don't do this while with a diarrhea of course

This thread made me realize how intuitive this shit is and I have no idea how I'm actually doing it