Hi /adv/,
To make a long story short, my dad has bpd, and he's bounced in and out of my life due to his behavior.
He currently lives in Europe and it's been 12 years since I've seen him in person (I've kept limited contact).
I'm taking a trip over to his country to visit friends and also him, he's also offered to pay me the sum for my tickets as recompense. (I don't know if he'll follow through with this but God willing).

I don't think I've ever really explored options on how to deal with these people, because their behavior is marked with 'good periods' and 'bad periods' in which they get so violent and irrational that they shove everyone away.
For those of you who've dealt with bpd/schizophrenic people before, how do you manage?

>>33202389 (OP)
The best thing to do is gtfo, far far away from these people. The second best thing is setting healthy boundaries. Your self esteem and confidence have to be iron hard because BPD people will attack any weakness you have, no matter what. No low is too low for the worst ones. Always enforce your boundaries, and make sure to frame their issues as out of personal. Like when they say you hate them, remind them it’s not true.

>>33202389 (OP)
You gotta 'greyrock'. Which basically means you cognitively remind yourself that it's not your father speaking to you, it's the disorder. Then you suppress your emotions every time they provoke you with volatile gestures. You act numb and unaffected, and you continue to maintain a neutral composure. Be sure to take rests and breaks in between. Regard your father as exactly that: someone who has a personality disorder. That means while he's in there deep down, there is a preconfigured personality that eclipses his true self every time his BPD is triggered. That personality is a self-autonomous trauma mechanism; a pattern of cyclical behavioural cycles that take control of him whenever BPD flares up. If you closely examine the behaviors when the disorder takes the wheel, you'll notice how predictable it is. You start to see it's just the echoes of a traumatized child, nothing more. But underneath your dad is still his own real person. Very hard to get through to that, but it's in there.

BPDs get triggered over the slightest thing. You just need to exist and it flares up. You may think he does it to be evil. What's actually happening is, BPDs receive emotional stimuli at 200% volume. That's why you don't see it coming but they react as if you betrayed them or slighted them over nothing. It's cuz to them, it was not nothing and they genuinely believe that. Because they genuinely felt it extremely loudly and sharply.

Example: You serve an irritable customer. He flippantly says "Tsch, thanks for nothing I guess." And walks off.

You are mildly annoyed but get over it in minutes.

A BPD serves the same customer. The BPD viciously hates the person and stalks them, identifies the person as a threat, that "thanks for nothing remark" translated to "You are fucking worthless, good for nothing, fuck you." To the BPD.

Cuz they interpret emotional input at 200% volume. Keeping this in mind might help you understand him

>>33202389 (OP)
You don't deal with BPD unless you are prepared to babysit a grown ass adult for the rest of your life. And that's something nobody should have to do.

>>33202488
>>33202508
My main goal is to have to pay me for the tickets I bought and then just spend the vacation with my friends. That's ideal. I don't know how much time he wants to spend with me or how much he's going to demand of me. My brother's going too and wants to spend time with him but honestly I don't know if that's a safe option.

Heartless? No. He owes me a lot.

>>33202525
Heartless? Yes. But it's understandable how you lost heart for father. I won't call you a bad person or judge you for it bro. But I think holding onto blood debt is exhausting business. Maybe consider forgiving your father one day, it'll do you more good than you might think.

>>33202532
There are things he's done that cannot be forgiven. Mental illness or no.