I am a person who easily falls in love, it happened to me years ago in school and it broke my heart when I got rejected. Since then I do not want to be with anybody, and seeing the current state of the world and dating I think I should stay that way.

What worries me the most is the fact thar I usually fall in love with people I cannot be with or with evil people from fiction and it makes me believe I can change who they are. Which makes me feel sad because I am a very logical person and I hate the "I can fix her/him" mindset. It also subverts my belief of real people. As in, thinking that an evil person could love me.

I hate falling in love, and it has made me hate love in general. To the point wher I wish I were asexual and aromantic. Because I used to have porn addiction, which at the same time mixed with the love I had for a villain from a franhise I used to like. If I were ace aro, I would neither deal with love or porn again.

I am a person with strong morals, who hates evil peopñe. I want a way to stop falling in love or at least how to manage it better. And also know if the reason I fell for villains is because I have low self esteem.

In general, I have a very different vision of who I am in my mind and it conflicts with me irl persona. For example, my ideal self speaks another language (which can be good because it might encourage me to learn something new.) But also has a different race and appearance and I don't know what to do with that. And also is ace aro, which is different from me because I am straight.

Please forgive me the ace aro thing. I personally know that 4chan does not like that very much so I ask for understanding. And also, I do not know how often I can post on the thread because I am posting on someone's else computer. But I would like you all to talk about what I can do to for example get a higher self-esteem. And the topic in general

>I am a very logical person
This post doesn't read that way, but anyway there are good people there are evil people there are smart evil people (who can hide intentions) etc etc literally wherever you go in life. You only thing you can do is fail, work on yourself and try again until something goes right. Join communities that try to filter out "evil" people. LGBT in cities and universities are pretty accepting and generally not out to cause harm, although that is mostly speculation.

>>33209197 (OP)
Strong morals but falls in love with "evil" people. Anon are you ok??

>>33211198
I really don't know. Really is because I easily fall for people who treat me well. Real or fictional.

Which is ironic because my ideal self is a person who despises evil people. Contradicting my heart and mind.

>>33211190
I understand if I do not sound very logical. But I always considered myself that way because when I generallt know what is wrong with me or what is happening. That is why I am making this post, to see if people can help me to learn more.

>>33209197 (OP)
>Falling for evil/dysfunctional people

Yeah it's probably a relic of your childhood. Kooky trauma shit. It's called the 'fawn' mechanic. A response to handling trauma or things that remind you of the dynamic of trauma or dysfunction.

There's 4 of them, the four F's. Fight (attack the person or problem), Flight (run away from the person or problem), Freeze (Stay still, paralyzed with fear, do nothing). And Fawn (admire and love the person or problem).

All of these are natural responses to danger. Whichever one you end up with is determined by the situation that conditioned it into you.

Example, someone who people-pleases or fawns after shit people, they learned it because they had to. Usually stuck with a belligerent person, where they couldn't exactly fight or run. So they had to fawn to keep them controlled and calm. Could be an abusive parent, or psychotic bully at school, whichever.

Anyway you become adult, you move on in life but that mechanic is still coded in you. Your knee jerk response to seeing fucked up people is to go and fawn and love them. It's your old mind's knee jerk craving to control.

That's what it is, a control game. To go and control bad person, by 'fixing' them. Like defusing a bomb.

But if you are unaware that your mind has been programmed by earlier factors, you end up clueless and even pursuing shit heads romantically and then wondering why you do it.

Once you known you can stop.