Hi /adv/, looking how to more effectively calm down my wife. I am Cuban/Mexican (though fair skin) and my wife is full blown Mexican (brown). We have been married for 1.5yrs and we have a 9 month daughter.

We currently live in Orange County, CA and in a city that particularly is very pro Trump (has sometimes popped onto the news), and with the recent raids/protests for ICE that have been going on, my wife just has been scared. For instance, she wants to go to Target but she is "scared" that ICE is going to pick her up just because she is brown (she is a legal citizen/born and raised in our city), and only will go out of the house, aside from walks, if I am with her because of my skin tone. She is currently not working/a stay at home mom so she watches the news a lot and this amplifies this. I have tried to tell her to not watch the news/give her a break from this anxiety, but her reply is "how will I know where the raids are happening? How can I know so I can let my dad know?" (Her father is a permanent resident alien, and he obviously is not concerned/fine) and gets upset at me for mentioning it. It is frustrating because she cannot control what is going on, the likelyhood of anything happening that extends beyond an inconvenience is slim in my opinion, and it is driving her up a wall with nothing I can do but more or less let her deal with it. I have tried to be sympathetic, but we have differing politcal standpoints and I overall do not like to get involved in political conversations/stay out of it (which she also does not like). Her mom also talks to her a lot (mainly because of the baby now) and she does not help. Since we have been together, she particularly does not like white people, and from what I can gather, she did experience some racism growing up, but the one time I did more or less say "get over it, it happens, who cares, it is just skin tone" that did not go well. (1/2)

just keep going with her and dont let her become a hermit. she does realize that they are only after illegals ?

She reacts the same way that a skin head would towards a black person doing the same thing as a white person would. Just because they are white/potentially pro-Trump, that makes it way worse in her mind. Keep in mind, our city is kind of more white but there is still a good amount of Hispanic people. This is just retarded in my opinion. My father was raised in Florida (born in the 60's), and escaped Cuba when he was 1wk old. As a result, I believe he genuinely experienced actual racism growing up as he was the only Spanish speaker in his school, and his take is "eh, whatever. If that is all someone can say bad about me, they can kick rocks". Which is more or less the take I have on this dumb shit in my opinion. Could be my fair skin, but I have been called a "wetback, spic, etc" growing up, but I always brushed it off. My mother (born in the 60's) also is the daughter of Mexican immigrants but she did grow up in East LA so mainly Mexican growing up, and she has a little of TDS, but she goes about her life as normal and occasionally rants. She also just brushes dumb shit like this off (the off chance it happens in this day and age).

Furthermore, I am concerned the way she may potentially raise our daughter to have this scared/twisted world view towards other people potentially treating her different because of the color of her skin. To internalize it and view herself as an eternal victim for something she cannot control, rather than say take it as a challenge to prove everyone wrong and excel in spite of it. For instance, she does not like to be around my sister's dosmetic partner's (man) family because they are "too white". Not to mention at least that her family is more or less white/Americanized Mexicans compared to say my mother's family, who are full blown Chicanos.

Part of it on my end can be as well that I am the only fair skinned one in my immediate family (all brown but my dad does have a lighter complextion). (2/3)

And more often than not, I got comments of people not believing I was my brother's brother due to his brown skin, and people insuating that my mom had multiple partners (though my dad did joke occasionally growing up that I was the milk man's kid). Just very frustrating on my end that she is making a mountain out of a mole hill and cannot realize it's just the news being the news/sensationalizing everything.

For lack of a better way to say it, ideally I would like my wife to realize her fears are just fears, she cannot do anything about it no matter what, and it should not dictate her life based on what is going on in the news cycle at the time. And I definetly do not want my daughter to take criticism/negative words this way either. Sorry, for the jumble, had a few to drink so more stream of consciousness. /blog (3/3)

>>33210682
Yes, but according to her, they are profiling/arresting people based on the color of their skin. Obviously if she gets stopped, she just at worst needs to show her birth certificate (which we have) and that is it. She is also afraid they will separate her from our daughter and then I do not know, she will get "lost" or something dumb. I have tried to ask her what she thinks will actually happen if that does happen, and she just gets pissed off at me

>>33210635 (OP)
Tell her to go to Mexican owned stores and to order from target instead

>>33210759
She is generally afraid to leave the house (aside from doing family stuff, which is fine for some reason) in case she gets pulled over by the cops because she is brown

I wish I wanted to read this.

>>33210682
its true that there is profiling, and citizens have been wrongfully arrested by ICE when they were at the wrong place at the wrong time (like on a job site that employed illegals and got raided) and didn't have a US passport with them to show they were a citizen. But OP is right that the likelihood of this happening is low, and if it does it most likely can be fixed without too much trouble. But I get why she's scared, even if its excessive. We knew when these raids were starting that some citizens were going to be accidentally detained and maybe even deported by mistake.

>calm down my mexican wife
>tldr
i thought that was the idea, you cant calm them down they're just like that

>>33210635 (OP)
Idk how do you unbrainwash somebody? You could try and inform her with the facts, that not a single US citizen has been deported. And legally, they cannot be.

>>33212003
there have been instances of citizen minor children who had one citizen parent and one noncitizen parent, and when the noncitizen was deported they took the kid with them, even though there was a custody proceeding ongoing, and ICE encouraged this because it looked good for their voluntary deportation numbers. Literally aiding and abetting kidnapping.

I do agree with your statement that legally it hasn't happened and shouldn't, but Trump has said he wants to start deporting citizens to El Salvadorian prisons. Who's going to stop him, you going to say "Mr. President, you can't do that, it's illegal!" when the supreme court has literally said the president cannot be charged with a crime for his official acts.

>>33212041
Yes, it’s called deporting an illegal alien AKA enforcing the law. Like how does that apply to OP’s wife? Just because you can’t actually indict the president and throw him in jail for what he does as president, doesn’t mean that a court can’t reverse what he does, as they’ve done frequently during the Trump administration. Bottomline, if you’re not here illegally, you’re not going to have a problem. Show me one example of an adult US citizen being deported, instead of pearl clutching and fear mongering.

>>33212096
>Just because you can’t actually indict the president and throw him in jail for what he does as president, doesn’t mean that a court can’t reverse what he does, as they’ve done frequently during the Trump administration.
what happens if trump refuses to follow the court order and orders ICE, or the FBI, or the military not to follow it either? Courts cannot enforce the law, that's the president's job. So there is a very real risk that eventually he just refuses to comply. I'm concerned about that now that just today a judge has ordered the federal government to relinquish control of the california national guard, when at the court hearing the DOJ attorney literally said its entirely up to the president to decide if he wants to send in the national guard to quell "uprising against the United States" because he can unilaterally declare anything an uprising at any time, with no limit whatsoever. Just absurd.

>>33212126
Order was literally stayed by another court immediately after it was issued. Stopping riots in California is not a remotely analogous situation anyway. There is 0 risk he’s just going to start deporting American citizens. Point out where it’s happened. But you can’t, because you’re a fantasist. But if OP’s wife wants to walk around scared of nonsense, go ahead. She’s only ruining her own life. In reality, she is more likely to get run over crossing the street.

>>33212177
>Order was literally stayed by another court immediately after it was issued.
yeah cause they're appealing it, but they're going to lose the appeal. The administration's legal arguments are very weak. But what does that matter if Trump just decides he wants to ignore what the court says?

>>33210635 (OP)
Ordinarily I would scoff at her paranoia. But we live in strange times, and now that Trump has gone after birthright citizens, it is not impossible to imagine him going after full citizens on racist grounds.

We can only hope that the country returns to sanity soon, and in the meantime carry your passport or birth certificate everywhere.