I separated from my alcoholic husband and filed for divorce. I took our son with me, and we're staying at a small place I'm struggling to afford. My husband has since "stopped" drinking, which I don't believe, and started going to church. He told them the sob story and now I have a bunch of well meaning old people from the church coming over and lecturing on how I should give him another chance and stuff.

I'm not going back into being afraid of what mood he'd be in every time he comes home. I'm not going to tell our son he can't play or make noise like a kid should want to do because it will make his daddy mad.

I'm starting to feel like our whole community is working against me and that they'd rather I quietly endure the abuse than end the marriage. This is my home town. Is it a lost cause? Should I just move to the city and start over?

>>33220259 (OP)
Give them the finger and start a new life elsewhere.

>>33220259 (OP)
Was he abusive? To what extent was the abuse? Was it physical? Or is it verbal, or both?

>>33220259 (OP)
You should just ignore them. If they come back more than once, invite them in for a cup of coffee and tell them what you just told us: you don't want to be afraid of abuse anymore

>>33220259 (OP)
>Is it a lost cause?
Yes.
>Should I just move to the city and start over?
Yes.

>>33220259 (OP)
You should unironically give him another chance. You're in it with that man for your child.

It's not about just you and how you feel anymore. It's about the two of you working together to fix each other and make your child successful. You BOTH need to understand that.

>>33220376
Verbally abusive. My brother killed a man and would do it again for me, and my husband knows that so he hasn't laid a finger on me. He almost hit me, once, and I told him he better make it worth it and he backed down.
>>33220447
I'm thinking of my son and the life he would live with that man as a big influence. I'm doing what's right by not going back to my husband. It's hard making things work financially but I am going to make it work because I'm not going to let my son grow up scared.

>>33220556
>I'm doing what's right by not going back to my husband
wrong

>>33220259 (OP)
So the old people have visited you on behalf of your husband. But has your husband visited you himself? Has he apologized for his past behavior or made any effort to show that he’s genuinely sorry?

The next time those people visit you, let them know that you’ll believe them only if your husband makes an effort to show how sorry he is. Words are cheap and action is the only proof that he’s not just faking it.

>>33220556
>I am going to make it work because I'm not going to let my son grow up scared.

You're doing what's right. Children do learn what they live. Living with a drunk who is verbally abusive will teach him it's right to be a verbally abusive drunk. And it's only one bad night from turning to physically abusive instead of verbally.

Alcoholism isn't something you quit in one day. It's not something that stops just because you started going to church. It's crippling and will haunt him the rest of his life. He hasn't gotten better overnight. And he won't get better overnight if he gets better at all.

Look for local charities that help parents and children. Most local governments have food pantries and bills assistance for parents as well. Sometimes there's even help at shelters for abused women. They know the local charities, too, and can be useful.

For context, what part of the country are you from? My buddy had a similar story coming out of a non-denom church in Minneapolis.
The community's #1 priority is to stop people from "rocking the boat" and disrupting the illusion that everything is honky-dory as long as you pay lip service to Jesus Christ. Obviously I don't know what happened to you or if you're being dramatic, but if you got to this point, I assume it was seriously bad and you need to get out.
Only something like 1/1000 people change, I'm sure he could maintain a mask for 2 or 5 years but it'll slip eventually and then you'll be stuck even more.
Unironically check plebbit or other places for resources for 'battered' women and children, there is plenty of help out there, you just have to ask, even if it means swallowing your pride.
>This is my home town. Is it a lost cause? Should I just move to the city and start over?
Is there a trusted woman (family preferably) in your life you could talk to that would give you no-bullshit advice? The irony of being a guy is that we have 3-5 guys on speeddial that will call us gay if we're being gay, but women's friendships are often gilded in insincere platitudes.

>>33220592
>You're doing what's right.
bullshit she is.
Single mothers trash their sons and daughters. You can see it through the entire country. She needs to just throw her offspring in an acid bath and go fuck her way back into another man's pockets. CLEARLY because that's what she actually values. She has zero empathy for family she creates.

her husband is probably not a fucking saint- but on HER word she says he drinks too much although he never physically abuses her he has said some things that makes her fee-fees feel bad, and she's decided that's enough to post-birth abort her son's future, even after a community of well-intentioned people approach her and try to get the father a second chance. If he's able to win at least some people over then he's at least worthy enough to be given a second chance. But she won't try that? Yeah, that's a guarantee she's in it for herself, not her son.

>>33220721
>having someone whose behavior is unpredictable, addicted to substances, and verbally abuses the mother of their child in front of the kid is trash
This tradlarp shit is for the birds.

>>33220788
>anyone opposed to aborting families is a tradlarp
evil and twisted world. I'm her son from the future. thanks mom

>>33220794
Strong men are made by strong men that are around to help raise them. Her brother is incredibly protective, and would probably be a far better role model to bring a young boy up than some piece of shit drunk. Blood ≠ the best parent.

>>33220808
fuck off with that. her brother isn't going to be there taking the heat for her son, and you both know it too. you're just hemming and hawwing about it, just like her you both want the cake and to eat it too. it doesn't work that way

>>33220912
It works whatever way she makes it work. Quit apologizing for incompetent, substandard males and worry about kicking them into better shape and holding them to better standards.

>>33220922
>kicking them into better shape and holding them to better standards.
which she is specifically not doing. stop apologizing for selfish, self-centered mothers.

>>33221063
She can't. Men don't give a shit about the opinions of women. They're upheld by the expectations of other men.

>>33220259 (OP)
This is probably bait but if he's alcoholic and abusive you definitely should not stay with him. Move to a new city, that's the right thing to do.

>>33220259 (OP)
Alcoholics always relapse, because they never target the source of why they're alcoholics
Yeah, sure there's some genetics involved with addiction and dopamine blah blah blah but people drink because they don't know how to cope with the fact they're hurt/scared/depressed/bored/etc.
No person whose genuinely happy with their life and has 0 mental issues is an alcoholic, all alcoholics have mental issues
IF he stopped drinking and went to church, all that means he switched over his addictive nature and focused it on religion, he's still mentally ill otherwise

The moment an unexpected tough/sad/painful situation comes up that religion can't solve, he will not only be back to his old ways, he will be worse and take it on both of you

>>33220580
My husband keeps finding me and bothering me in public because he knows I don't want to cause a scene. When I tell him I don't want to see him he just continues talking to me and trying to guilt trip me.
>>33220592
I feel like I put up with so much from him already. Our son is four, and my husband called him the f-slur after he'd been drinking, and that's when I knew I needed to get the both of us away from him. How can he call a four year old that word, especially his own son?
I'll see if I can get some help to make everything work out financially.
>>33220600
My mom, my aunts, and a few of my cousins. We've had a lot of women on my mother's side end up in abusive marriages because guys in South Georgia suck. They've been telling me to call my brother and let him know what's going on, but I don't want to escalate the situation and my brother has a temper when it comes to this stuff.

>>33220259 (OP)
don't let him live with you, but do let him see your son 2-3x a week. that's what it means to "give him a chance."
if he can't behave with just that, cut him off.

>>33220259 (OP)
>I'm starting to feel like our whole community is working against me and that they'd rather I quietly endure the abuse than end the marriage.
accurate. They dont care about you they care about themselves. Your situation threatens their world view while not being applicable to themselves. They want you to go back because it allows their beliefs to continue, and dont really care what consequences you face.
Also, I hate women, but I hate self serving hypocrites more. Giving a woman advice makes me feel conflicted.


>>33220398
wont work. The truth does not live for these people. Arguments that dont address their self interest will not penetrate.

>>33220721
> Single mothers trash their sons and daughters.
So do abusive fathers. She fucked up and only has bad options now.
> her husband is probably not a fucking saint- but on HER word she says he drinks too much
fair point; were only getting one side of the story.

>>33221667
> Our son is four, and my husband called him the f-slur after he'd been drinking,
That doesnt sound good.
> My mom, my aunts, and a few of my cousins. We've had a lot of women on my mother's side end up in abusive marriages because guys in South Georgia suck.
This explains a lot. You are all drawn to the same men like a magnet. Its not them, its you. You seek it out.
> They've been telling me to call my brother and let him know what's going on, but I don't want to escalate the situation and my brother has a temper when it comes to this stuff.
Good, the goal here is less trouble not more.

It seems you've done the right thing.
That being said alienating the son from the dad isn't a good idea as well imo, as much as you deserve to hate your ex. Moving far away and making regular visits hard is one way of fostering that alienation. Living close to your ex makes co-parenting a lot easier, which could be better for your son's mental health long-term (as well as maybe yours at least when the boomers stop pestering you).

>>33220259 (OP)
Im sure you gave him a hundred chances already. And he didn't make an effort to change then. Now that hes fucked up one to many times and has to face the consequences of his actions, he NOW is willing to change.
Move on. Hes not any better hes just desperate.

>>33220556
Your brother should be in jail. People can change. You should ask your husband if he's taking anger management classes and see a psychologist.

>>33223567
He killed the man who'd beat my pregnant cousin until she miscarried. My brother tied the guy up in the woods and beat him bloody then just left him tied up there for a few days. He called the guy's mom to tell where he was and to get an ambulance after a couple days, they found him alive but he died in the hospital. My brother got a shortened sentence since he seemed remorseful by getting the guy help and he got out on probation for good behavior.
If you believe people change, then my brother doesn't belong in jail because he did. He still has the same protectiveness in his heart that he won't let people hurt his family though, and I'm thankful for that because I'm sure my husband would have been hitting me if he wasn't afraid of my brother finding out.

>>33221667
The next time he bothers you, tell him what I said. Talk is cheap, and if he really was sorry then he would do something real instead of just bothering you.

Does he at least send you money to raise your kid? That should be the bare minimum.

>>33224373
>>33220556
>If you believe people change, then my brother doesn't belong in jail because he did
>My brother killed a man and would do it again

>>33224373
What's the purpose of LARPing like this?
Are you just trying to make people mad?
I wish this was real, you deserve to be a woman being beaten by an angry alcoholic

>>33221237
Wow what a faggot reddit take