I am completely stumped, been on a productive roll recently, doing a lot of work from intense exercise to studying, and i just still hate life and want to die. ive kept a journal, 8 months now of consistently going to the gym, working, reading, ect. I accomplished a lot but honestly i still just really want to die. i dont get it

>>33220604 (OP)
bro coupled his will for ambition with his sense of self worth.
separate the two

>>33220604 (OP)
Because you still need a purpose that drives all of that.

>>33220604 (OP)
Do you have a plan?

That's means, you're able to do a lot and push yourself that good but don't push yourself too much. Have some time for fun. It's okay to take a break from your productive roll just don't get too lazy lol.

>>33220604 (OP)
Got any family?

>>33220604 (OP)
keep a page a day journal where you write the negative and postive thoughts where reasonable and problemsolve and overcome the negative ones. you will find patterns.

Maybe your problem is that you are working towards what society WANTS you to want rather than what you actually want. Do you really feel as if working out, reading, and working are really what you want to do? Maybe a little, but maybe too much of those things as well.
Try to regain some sense of intrinsic motivation, ie; try to act like a kid. Go out in the woods and chill somewhere really pretty for a day. Think what you want. Maybe what you wanted/liked as a kid.
Do you want more friends? A creative pursuit? A change of environment? More spontaneity in your life? Try and listen to your heart, as corny as it sounds. Maybe watch a funny movie. Go to a the aquarium or a cool museum.

Also get some bloodwork done at the doctor. Not having some random ass vitamin can fuck u up n make u suicidal lol.

>>33220604 (OP)
Go easier on yourself. You ARE entitled to some down time

>>33220772
I dont really want a purpose though, i dont understand
>>33220778
honestly im just running out the clock on life but i genuinely dont like it
>>33222354
i did keep a journal, the pattern is i am always suicidal reguardless of how good a day it was
>>33222445
i mean i suppose i like those activities better then most others, As a kid i uh...wanted to die lol. I dont like friends really i dont understand people much. I have many creative pursuits and had success with them.

>>33223651
>honestly im just running out the clock on life but i genuinely dont like it*
Sorry, meant to post
>BECAUSE i dont like it