So my husband and I have been married for 4 years. We just welcomed our first baby 4 weeks ago. I can’t have sex yet for another 2 weeks due to postpartum recovery but we still try to do sexual things like oral and sexy showers.

Today is his first Father’s Day and after dealing with another sleep-deprived night of taking care of the baby, and feeling gross from post-partum bleeding wanted to take a shower and wash my hair. My husband said he was hungry and going to have breakfast so I told him I was going to take a shower in the meantime. He then asks if I would like him to jump in the shower with me. I said he can, but then he gets upset that I didn’t ask him if he would like to join me in the first place since I know he likes that. I did plan to do intimate things with him later but my sleep-deprived mind was just thinking of myself in the moment. So I asked him to join me in the shower, but he says “forget it, now it just feels like you’re overcompensating. You only offer when I ask, you never initiate even though I’ve told you I’d like you to for the past 13 years. It would be bice for once you to do something sexy for me without me asking, especially since today’s my first Fathers Day”.

He then walks downstairs to get breakfast. I feel really guilty especially since I struggled to even get him a gift while taking care of our son these past couple of weeks.

I don’t even know what to say or do at this point to resolve this. When I told him I felt bad, he just responded “I know, and now I’m an asshole for making you feel bad.”

We’re supposed to visit my family later, which he also wasn’t thrilled with in the first place, because he said I didn’t even ask him what he wanted to do for Fathers Day. We have a 4 week old and it’s raining so I assumed there wasn’t much we could do.

What can I do to resolve the situation? Husband is refusing any sexual favors from me now because he feels I’m only doing it because he guilted me into it.

you sound like a terrible wife to be honest. you could not find a single thing to give him as a gift-- what about a home-cooked meal? if it's raining why don't you sit inside and watch a movie... or go to an indoor restaurant ... or a pottery studio or concert or dance class? there are so many things to do and you're a shit person. I would never treat my husband like this

>>33223522
I gave him a gift for Father’s Day which he liked. I just struggled to find time to order it. He’s more upset that I never initiate sexual acts with him and that I only seem to when he asks or initiates. He’s still upset with me for it and I don’t know how to resolve it.

>>33223522
>indoor studio, movie, etc.

You can’t take a 4 week old out in public right now since they don’t have all their shots yet

>>33223551
I suggested so many other things. you're making excuses

>>33223543
Maybe wait until his anger passes and then initiate... or maybe just fucking talk to him? JFC are you sure you should be having kids?

>>33223480 (OP)
This is a communication issue and the sort of thing marriage counselors are actually pretty good at.

What's going on is a lot of "When I say X I really mean Y and if you really loved me you'd know that without my having to explain it" on BOTH sides.

your husband sounds like a whiny little bitch boy but you must be really fucking stupid to come here and ask 4chan of all places for advice. divorce him

>>33223522
kys incel

>>33223667
you first, faggot

>>33223480 (OP)
You scheduled a surprise visit to the in-laws for his first Father’s Day as a father? Wtf

To answer your question though, in this specific situation, he’s being a bit ridiculous. If this has been an issue for a while bringing it up a few weeks after you have a baby is dumb, if it’s a new issue then it will probably go away on its own in a few weeks

>>33223480 (OP)
He's probably insecure about you not wanting to have sex, and also not getting the same attention. Do more together, and talk about how you feel, how you feel not like sex because of your blood, and because of the baby.
You shouldn't try sexual favours, as it sounds like that you really don't want to do it. Which is his main issue. He is in a situation where he feels bad, but also knows or thinks that, since you just had a baby, his issues aren't as important.

>>33223480 (OP)
>“forget it, now it just feels like you’re overcompensating. You only offer when I ask, you never initiate even though I’ve told you I’d like you to for the past 13 years. It would be bice for once you to do something sexy for me without me asking, especially since today’s my first Fathers Day”.
What a faggot. Incredible that these people manage to reproduce.

> “I know, and now I’m an asshole for making you feel bad.”
He's communicating horribly. He bitches about wanting something, which is already needlessly confrontational, and then he refuses to accept any resolution whatsoever because anything you do is either "fake" (if you try to accommodate him) or "making him the bad guy" (if you react like most people and are hurt by his behavior). Literally impossible to please him. Somebody should beat the shit out of him and tell him to stop acting like a toddler.

>>33223884
he's setting up excuses for when she catches him cheating. "i felt so unloved, and neglected" after he destroys your body permanently with a parasite and moves on to younger pussy lmao

>>33223895
A baby isn't a parasite.
And whatever we think about this guy, OP did pick him. Presumably he has some redeeming qualities, unless she had a woman moment and fell for an obvious narcissist because he was "confident".

>>33223480 (OP)
Dr Doug Weiss covers this problem in your generation: https://youtu.be/lOZqeRUx3xA?feature=shared

>>33223910
all narcissists have redeeming qualities, that's why they get laid in the first place, dipshit. are you so tate-pilled that your room temp IQ actually thought woman shack up with any stupid jackass who spits on her?

>>33224062
>all narcissists have redeeming qualities
Uh, no. They're intolerable to anyone sane--the bad always outweighs the good.
An example of narcissistic behavior (though there could be other explanations for it, hence the separate clauses) is what OP herself is complaining about.

>actually thought woman shack up with any stupid jackass who spits on her?
Not my point. My point is that what you call "redeeming qualities" (like outward self-confidence, status, or just physical attractiveness) work long enough to get certain kinds of women attracted, but it never holds indefinitely.
Either the dude takes her for granted and throws her away because narcissists are incapable of valuing others (like what happened to a family friend: she married a narcissistic douchebag, quit her professional job for him and raised his kids, then he cheated on her and took ALL of their life savings overseas to shack up with the other woman--leaving her in her 50s with no work experience, no money, and their kids, who he also abandoned, to put through school), or she realizes sooner or later that the "confidence" is a front for a miserable creature devoid of warmth or potential, and SHE leaves him.
In both cases, the narcissism directly destroys the relationship.

>>33223480 (OP)
Look, I know that it's his first Father's Day, but you just had a baby 4 fucking weeks ago. He hasn't even had a chance to do anything as a father yet. He's being a selfish faggot over your post partum recovery too, and this is a critical period for you to heal up completely and get your psychological shit together to stave off post-partum depression. Is he trying to speedrun it? There's the baseline of having to deal with family shit and not being self important on a holiday where he isn't even relevant yet.
This dude needs to get his shit together. I don't know if this is his his norm or not, but it doesn't say great things. Just put up with his shit for today, but if he keeps pushing the selfish asshole trope you know where this is gonna go.

>>33223748
Honestly my mind was so focused on taking care of the baby that I had forgotten Father’s Day was coming up until a week or so ago. My in-laws were out of town this weekend and I knew we were limited in where to go with a 4 week old. I have a huge family that always gets together on Fathers Day/Mothers Day. I swear I remember asking my husband at the time if it was ok to go or if there was anything he wanted to do that day and he said “we can go to your family, it’s fine”. Now he turns around and says he just said that because he didn’t want there to be discord between me and my family.

I feel really bad because I feel like I tried really hard to make this a special first father’s day and I fucked up by missing what should’ve been obvious signals.

He had said last night that he wanted to go to a local bar that was doing trivia at 5pm. So the plan was to go to see my family for a few hours. My sister is a 40 minute drive away. My in-laws had just come back today so they offered to watch the baby. They also live closer to us. We would then leave my sister’s house, drive back to the local bar and drop the baby off at my in-laws on the way.

Because of what happened this morning, it put my husband in a crappy mood all day, and when we left my sister’s house, he decided he just wanted to go home. He said he was tired, not feeling well and still cranky from earlier.

I apologized and said I feel like I fucked up the whole day and he said “yeah, you kinda did”.

If I could go back in time, I would’ve asked my husband what he’d like to do for father’s day, initiate an intimate moment this morning, skip my sister’s, and go to the bar for trivia.

I feel horrible for ruining the day due to my obliviousness and I don’t know how to fix things. If I try to initiate any kind of intimacy in the next few days, like touch his dick, he’ll just see that as me responding to him calling me out. I feel like I’m in a lose-lose situation.

>>33223480 (OP)
I'm a married man and I have had this exact conversation with my wife before so I will tell you my perspective.

First, just let it blow over. You have legitimate reasons for not wanting to have sex right now but this sounds like it's been a consistent thing throughout your marriage, so:

Secondly, after things return to normal just initiate sex more often or flirt and stuff. We like to feel desirable. It is really frustrating as a man when you always have to initiate. I mean, even if I'm not in the mood I like my wife to be sexy with me spontaneously. Who wouldn't like that?

>>33223819
He knows I can’t have sex right now and he’s been good about that. You don’t need to have sex to be intimate with someone. We just don’t go past third base. Like I’ll go down on him or give him a hand job while licking his ear. Or he plays with my ass in the shower.

He was upset that I didn’t even try to kiss him that morning but my mind was just elsewhere in that moment.

>>33224647
>after things return to normal just initiate sex more often or flirt and stuff.

I wish I enjoyed initiating sex or even just making out or playing with his dick but it’s just never really on my mind. I’m attracted to my husband and I enjoy being intimate with him, but I guess I just never think to initiate. It just feels like my mind is always elsewhere. I just constantly feel like I’m in a fog and overwhelmed all the time. He gets upset that I never just grab his dick in bed or in the car. He’ll grab my hand to put in on his dick to imply he wants to be fondled. And he always wants us to take a shower together so he can play with my ass or finger me, but honestly I don’t really enjoy it. I enjoy making out with him, but I just take showers for maintenance reasons and not for leisure. I’m always tired either in the morning or before bed so showers are just something part of a routine for me.

Maybe I need meds.

>>33224704
Sounds like you are suffering from depression. You don't need medication. You need to spend less time on your phone, workout, eat well and get outside. 99% of depressive cases can be solved by doing that.

>>33223522
I'd like to see how well you cope, four weeks after giving birth, having your perineum stitched back together after it split open like a ripe fruit, and then not getting a wink of sleep for a month.

>>33224733
I don’t know if it’s depression, anxiety or ADHD. I know I don’t have PPD. I just feel constantly overwhelmed all the time.

I was talking to a therapist for awhile to deal with my social anxiety and irrational fears/worries, but I plan to look into a psychiatrist.

>>33224704
sounds like your husband is a cuck ngl
>wahh why don’t you initiate
who cares just fuck lol he doesnt need to care
why are you anxious if you have a stable marriage? your husband doesnt give you calmness?
if your husband gets a bit of attention from other women watch your attraction come back instantly. youll fight to keep him instinctually. but he wont so you dont even have to try

>>33223480 (OP)
He sounds like a child. Divorce him asap

Most women don’t initiate sex because they have responsive desire instead of spontaneous desire.

That being said, men feel like they’re wanted due to spontaneous desire, so try to make more of a conscious effort to take initiative even if you don’t feel like it.

>>33224634
Honestly, he's acting like a woman.

>>33223480 (OP)
Where the fuck do you normalfags come from that you're asking for marriage advice on 4chan of all places?

>>33223480 (OP)
Honestly, he sounds like a total faggot. If he can't simply be content spending time with you and the baby without the constant reassurance of sexual acts, then it's not true love and he should kms.

He clearly cares about his own stupid feelings more than he does the happiness of you or your baby, so the best bet is to leave him and get with someone who genuinely cares without being a whiny normalfag bitch about it.

Every day I'm reminded why I'm a normie men hating femcel.

>>33223480 (OP)
It's always better to date someone who already acts the way you want, rather than to try to convert someone.

>>33223480 (OP)
>we still try to do sexual things like oral
Why not do that? That's what I got for Fathers Day from my wife, I was pretty happy with it.
This whole situation seems overcomplicated.