>finding a nice manga or book
>"damn looks nice! i need to read it!
>not understanding a single word
>crying
>trying again
>understanding what i read, not understanding how world in composition works
>crying more
>trying to read slice of life or novel
>still understanding nothing
>crying much more

ive been reading Berserk and American Psycho recently but i cant understand anything what written in it. like, i understand words and stuff, but i cant explain the plot and i forgot everything once i close the book. what is my problem? is there something special or i have just bad memory? i really want to understand Berserk so much, but i just cant. its very hard for me to understand. ive been trying to read it in my native language but i still understand nothing :(

has it always been like this?

>>33224154
yeah. whole time i thought i understand everything, but recently i was talking in some hotline miami discussion and everyone was mad at me for not understanding this game. then i tried to reread Berserk and i tried to note everything after some time. but my mind was absolutely empty!!!! so i tried to note everything i knew about other stuff and it was about two lines
ive been learning chinese, i cant remember ANYTHING; ive been learning german, i forgot EVERYTHING. i dont understand anything ive ever read

so yeah, its always been like this

>>33224171
ever since you were a kid? that is tough.
i have not experienced this, but i have another question: do you struggle when a person explains things to you? like imagine you and me in a room, i am explaining the basics of something you dont understand. do you remember anything of what you were taught?

>>33224146 (OP)
How much weed you smoking? You can write, I would think that a great deal of your problem is bullshitting yourself. Do you have the inner voice? Can you make it shut up? I can guarantee you that you compare better than you think.
>>33224171
Maybe because you read trash. Do you think you have whatever dyslexia is? Should you stop to ponder? Practice your memory, I guess. Don’t just be a naysayer.

>>33224184
>ever since you were a kid? that is tough.
yeah! i remember basics, i dont remember anything else

>do you struggle when a person explains things to you?
yeah, a lot. i need to ask a lot of times before i finally understand what they want

>>33224201
how did you manage to get through school years?
from what you say it sounds like it's not a problem with reading, it's a problem with attention as a whole. what kind of activities do you do in your everyday life? maybe there is some way your brain understands things in a better way and we just need to figure it out
i think that if you visit a psychiatrist they will tell you that you are ADHD and prescribe you some meds like adderall. would you be giving those a chance? ive heard they work for most people

>>33224196
weed is illegal, unfortunately. i have the inner voice, i cant make it shut up.
i dont think i read bad stuff, i have problem with absolutely everything ive ever tried
>Do you think you have whatever dyslexia is? Should you stop to ponder?
no, i hate diagnosing myself. i dont think i should stop to ponder

>>33224217
nooo, i dont want to go to psychiatrist desu,.,,../
most of the time im just watching videos on youtube, sometimes i can go out with my friend (it lasts about six hours) or draw for an hour ig. the rest of the time i scroll through social media. i think this is the reason

>>33224146 (OP)
You should sext with your best friend I bet that'll help you

>>33224237
funny, but I tried it and it didn't help me

>>33224231
>nooo, i dont want to go to psychiatrist desu,.,,.
this is relatable, thats why it should be the last option
would you be able to choose one of the youtube videos you watched today and explain it to me?
your activities sound like you are exposed to short term stimulation, but you were like this as a kid too. so this means maybe the activities you do are a consequence of the lack of attention span, and not the other way around

>>33224239
Try again

>>33224250
i forgot everything ive been watching today
ok wait i will look up my watch history

>>33224256
:(
are you neeting right now?

>>33224250
im back, tt turns out I was watching a series i forgot about.
its russian series (school 2010 if you interested), i will tell you everything i remember of what ive been watching.
so i remember how one of teachers made the drama club? and some members of this club was learning their scenario (??). and then i remember how one of the main characters was on emo band concert. i remember how two of her friends were with her classmates.... smoking, drinking alcohol and stuff. and thats all i can remember
i remember everything in fragments, i cant explain everything to you in detail now because i dont remember

>>33224278
you can say soo, yea

>>33224293
ok, i think i have an idea.
do you have anything like a journal? where you could write things about your day as they happen?
oh, i have another question. do you have.... did you have.... uhhh you know bad experiences as a child?

>>33224322
>do you have anything like a journal? where you could write things about your day as they happen?
no, i think. everytime i was trying to make one i forgot everything. i forgot about the journal and the day
>oh, i have another question. do you have.... did you have.... uhhh you know bad experiences as a child?
what do you mean by bad experience

sorry I disappeared!!!!!!!!!!

>>33224342
what if you set up an alarm on your phone? so you can remember it
do you remember when your birthday is?
>bad experience
trauma, SA, long periods of bullying

>>33224366
sorry im eating im a bit slow

>>33224367
i remember my birthday! yeah, i do! i could set up an alarm, but i couldnt remember my day

>bad experience

yhh. i dont think it can count as bullying but some kids bullied me for reeealllyxxx short time, like two days or smth. but i remember it very good.

/and i remember how my older brother has been harassing me when i was 4, but he hasnt done anything really very bad. just tried to kiss me and fingering i guess??? it was disgusting, but i thought this is just game/

>>33224403
>i could set up an alarm, but i couldnt remember my day
set up an alarm and try to write whatever you remember. try to make your journal entries longer every day, do you talk to other people about your day? like how often do you hang out with friends?
>older brother
what.... this is awful, i am very sorry. you dont seem very affected by it though, i doubt your bad memory is caused by a defense mechanism

>>33224410
>you dont seem very affected by it though,
yeah, i dont feel like affected or stuff, i just remember it sometimes and then i feel horrible. i dont think its related, but i feel very bad about sex now, i hate when horny people around me and all sexual things

>do you talk to other people about your day?
no in general. only when they ask me how was my day and like that :(
>like how often do you hang out with friends?
irl? irl i have only one friend to go out with. i can go out w her often, like three times a week. ig. but i also have online friend! only one friend too xd. we are talking every day

>>33224146 (OP)
In order to understand, learn and retain what you read, it must:

1. Be translated into concepts or a mental narrative or "movie."

2. Related to what you already know, and be connected into a mental framework.

Let's step away from reading and consider spoken stories, like those old radio dramas, or Audible type of talking stories. Listen to one of those. Do you automatically get a "movie" in your mind as you absorb the words? It's a kind of trance state that probably had a great survival advantage in the stone age when the group was gathered around the campfire and listened to someone describing that day's hunt, or fantastical stories.

this might be a stupid question but are you reading it left to right or right to left?

>>33224422
>i dont think its related, but i feel very bad about sex now, i hate when horny people around me and all sexual things
it probably is, but its also possible you just dont like sexual stuff. i can relate to this, i actively avoid sexual things, except for that one time i regret a lot
>no in general
well, make a habit out of it! talk to people about your day, even if its just something like "i ate toasts today". small talk is not bad
>friends
you don't seem to have many friends. do you remember important details about them? you can ask them for help regarding this matter, too, like playing games with you that require short term memory exercising or stuff like that

>>33224472
yeah! i imagine every story i hear as a kind of movie in my mind or animation xD

>>33224478
i read manga right to left, books is left to right

>>33224492
>yeah! i imagine every story i hear as a kind of movie in my mind or animation xD
So can you then summarize it in writing?

>>33224483
>small talk is not bad
yeah! i think i should. im kinda afraid cuz one of my ex close friend was annoyed of my small achivements. like she was saying "ok" and "and what?" :(

>do you remember important details about them?
i remember their birthday and their fav things. irl friend likes slipknot and online friend likes limbus company

>>33224510
i think ive tried it, but i dont think i remembered

>>33224524
>i think ive tried it, but i dont think i remembered
Then perhaps pause to practice telling yourself a summary of the story so far.

>>33224511
>im kinda afraid cuz one of my ex close friend was annoyed of my small achivements. like she was saying "ok" and "and what?" :(
????
that is so rude, and she was close to you?? man thats awful
okay so you need to do the following now (do it now so you dont forget)
start a journal
set up an alarm
small talk about your day
play memory games w friends
what else?

>>33224544
>>i think ive tried it, but i dont think i remembered
>Then perhaps pause to practice telling yourself a summary of the story so far.
Further to this, I'm reminded of rats running a maze in an experiment. Rats are very good at this. They stop ever so often and look back the way they have come. That's how they build a mental model of the maze. You should be able to do this consciously, when reading. Do it repeatedly and it will eventually become an unconscious habit. If you keep coming back here with your original complaint then you're just looking for attention.

>>33224604
sure!!! i will do it and maybe i will tell if its helping me :3 thank you sooooo muchhhhh
i think there is nothing else......

>>33224673
>sure!!! i will do it and maybe i will tell if its helping me :3
i dont think you will remember hahahahaha
anyway, good luck!! and try to make more friends, it will make your life easier. trust me.

>>33224219
Read aloud then, you can double your memory with visual and audio. A thing that may work for you also is to listen to non-distractive music. You will be better able to associate what happens when. Like, obviously you know you have memories tied to music at memorable times.