The first time I tried weed I had the experience of feeling infantilized, like a 5 year old trapped in a hopeless world where I'm gonna grow up to be an ignorant, small-minded prole like all the adults around me. I was living in a village in a jungle canopy where it was always dusk and everyone's life revolved around fear of leaving or falling. I was seeing visuals from the movie Robots and was just so ashamed of being helpless. It fucking sucked and felt like death or hell. But I did a lot, I was with a hardcore stoner, with strong ass weed, who I barely knew, out in the woods at night, a recipe for disaster. I was caught off guard because I'm pretty chill with mushrooms.

I've read about Salvia and it kind of sounds like this but worse. It's not a bad trip for everyone to revisit the early childhood mind, the familiar infinite before, the soul factory, whatever, but I've always been really scared and sad about stuff for little kids, even when I was that age. I don't think it's good to be afraid of that, but honestly thinking about that fear brings up the darkest shit for me, and sometimes I'll have daydreams or nightmares about it, so I've always just tried to avoid it. But there's some kids stuff I liked back then and I wish I could learn to remember that instead. I watched some visualizers from Freedom Shapes that people said were pretty accurate and read Erowid, they totally reminded me of my weed experience, and I know if it looked like that it would be terrifying for me. But if it was like World 3 in New Super Mario Bros or something that would be cool.

I don't have any plans to do it but it's a very relevant question to me. This is more of a psychological question cuz I'm sick of being haunted by it. For the future what can I do to be less scared of early childhood? What are some ways I could confront these fears and also remember how my dad's music or things I saw made me feel stronger? Thx

>>33224467 (OP)
That kind of experience kept happening to me every time I would smoke weed so I stopped doing it. It was a great decision.

salvia is a visit to a childhood mine, not your childhood

it is by far the most visceral, in-the-moment, hallucinating about what's immediately around you drug I've ever had

you are not going to have psychological insight or think about your life memories at all, you will think like "holy shit you really can get sucked down the fucking drain in the shower and don't even have to be that close" or "my shirt and the wall are growing into each other and my arms are going to be trapped"

is it not like weed or mushrooms. there is no dopey happy numbness

>>33224480
But I mean I wanna smoke weed, I hated it 2 times but one time I did it in times square lol and that was fun- I can see it being fun if I was with friends and playing 311 or something- it just doesn't seem right that I wouldn't be able to do that when I'm basically a stoner who doesn't smoke

>>33224496
I didn't have any insights on weed either, that's what I'm saying, it was just weird random childhood visuals that were terrifying because I just have a latent fear of that

>>33224467 (OP)
ROBIN WILLIAMS!!!!!

>>33224467 (OP)
Man, I'm honestly kind of envious of these people with these vivid weed trips with all the euphoria and shit. Whenever I did weed it felt like my consciousness got yanked away from the controls of my body and I just had to sit there right behind my eyes waiting it out. Other times it felt like the controls were slowed down and sluggish. But I was still there. Just stuck in a body I either couldn't control or couldn't properly control.