my whole life I've been treated as lesser because of how fucking autistic I am, and since the minute I learned to walk I've been trying desperately to prove them wrong. The problem is, the more I try the more I humiliate myself, and it's becoming increasingly obvious that everything they ever said about me was the truth

At this point, I full realize that nothing I can do will ever be good enough. The only reason I keep trying is that I need something to do with myself while I wait for my parents to die. The fact is, I can't even really imagine what I'd do if I didn't have this need keeping me going.

What the fuck am I even supposed to do?

You were always good enough. You didn't deserve to be treated as lesser.

Autism or not, you were worthy of a base level of respect that important people in your life failed to give you.